The Sooner You Learn It.....

The Sooner You Learn It.... The better off you'll be.

My mother was notorious for saying, "Life is Hard. The sooner you learn it, the better off you'll be." And I now, finally, really appreciate it. I don't think it was what you want or need to hear at a young age, but I do understand it was coming from a mother who wanted me to understand that life was not a bowl of cherries. Contrary to what one might believe, I'm not a pessimist. I used to really worry about what people thought about me or why they didn't like me, and I've learned - it really matters not.

I think about this in the context of the 2008 Presidential election too. I have had some, well intense, debates about who is best positioned to run our government. There is no one who is a perfect mix of all I'd aspire to have, but Barack Obama comes pretty close. My real friends and I talk about real politics. Not the fru fru tea conversations about voting for the female candidate that people have all but ordained in December 07, but the real life conversation about who you want to represent you. There is something to my logic.

When my mother said life is hard - it was always cold to hear. It was the reality I needed to balance some of my tendency to believe that all people would like me, all life would be fair, yadda yadda yadda. I happen to believe that without a quality balance in nature and nurture, one can easily become a bit of a tart. "Why oh why do bad things happen to good people?" They do. Debate the reasoning or fairness as you will, my mother was right. Life isn't always fair. I think of it often when I think about the person I want to lead this country into effective change. I can stand up for my candidate as much as I want to - but life is hard, and all people don't share my enthusiasm. What has to happen - somewhere between realization and action - is that you have to decide, its worth the work for the end result I want.

So, I didn't run for class president - and I regret that I was so locked with fear that I didn't do it. Simultaneously, I became active in extracurricular activities, broke out of my shell in college and began to lead the life that I have today. Unapologetic for my choices and my values, I am the person I aspired to be at that time. *Well I'm still a work in progress, but I think you get my point. I want to vote for someone who can hear the hard words, get the harsh criticism, use what they've learned, and apply it to lead a country we can be proud of. I'd rather not support the silent mastermind of harsh words - as she quips about the latest polls of why women as a whole don't like her. Women know women. We know harsh words and the deep seeded insecurity that can easily unleash them. It's one thing to have harsh words, in a context of all the things you are trying to teach and communicate. (Thank you mother.) It is quite another to polish harsh words for a living, because you've spent your entire life planning to lead the free world. I wish some of her friends had offered her more harsh words.

I think all of the candidates need a little bit of my mothers frank spirit to guide them. Get over how hard life is, and work harder. Not to be all that someone else expects for you to be - but because we are all closer to our destiny when we are true to ourselves. Harsh words can be translated into a catalyst for being all that we aspire to be. I think someone in Obama's past must have unleashed that on him too.

Wondering about other harsh words that have touched a life? Visit the ladies across the way and share your thoughts too.

Neverending Story

My mother is a sci-fi nut, and growing up we knew that all fantasy movies and flights of fancy were fair game for a day out. One of the stories that I watched and my children now enjoy is the Neverending Story. A mystical weave of words about reading a book where you in essence dictate the future remains a powerful story as an adult. So, when the topic of milestones came up at CrazyHipBlogMamas, I thought it merited a response. (Who really needs an excuse to write though?) Stepping Stones for me are those ah-ha moments in life where you decide what you will to some significant degree author your own future.

1. My decision to quit working a become a stay-at-home mom with our first daughter.

2. Marriage during crisis. Marriage beyond the Hollywood storybook belief of what should be. Marriage.

3. Realizing you aren't going to like everybody, and everybody is not going to like you either. (I was told this fact in 3rd grade but I didn't learn it then. In fact, some days I think I'm still learning it. )

4. The realization you can be right or you can be married - but being both 100% of the time is nearly impossible. So pick.

5. Your purpose is bigger than you. When life gets hard recognize that your purpose is not your own.

A stepping stone can be beautiful and ornate, like the ones that line our pathways with colorful remnants and monograms of our children. It can also be an unexpected bump in the road, separate from the path before and the path that follows. The ornate ones are pretty to look at, but the difficult ones you never forget where they are. My most important stepping stones are the ones that ask, "Are you being elevated and are you elevating something or someone else?" All of those paths imply movement, because there is no stone (or progress at all) without first taking a step.

The Power of Words

I love quotes and quips - little pieces of advice that allow you to think reflectively about the reason we are all here and do what we do. Proverbs is one of my favorite sources but then there's Maya Angelou and an assortment of female mentors too. I was really intrigued when the crazy mamas started collaborating on the best advice given to you, and I'm joining in the fun to share the wealth.

From my maternal grandmother who though it practical to talk about how the men we dated looked: "You remember you have to look at him every morning. and every night." I was particularly progressive about marrying a man who was able to talk to me and inspire me, beyond his individual looks. I told my grandmother that we had a history of fine men who were not fine in their character already and I wouldn't be joining the obsession with pretty boy men. So then she went practical, "if not for you, please think about my grandbabies." I was irritated with this advice and told her with a straight face that every baby is cute. Then in her early 70's she replied, "Don't forget - monkey's are cute too, and I don't want one of them for a grandbaby either." Point taken. Let's not act as if looks don't matter and that you can ignore the obvious - my grandmother has always been very practical. I was engaged to a fella for about 2 weeks in my youth, and she indicated, "If you just wanted an Imond (not a typo, a reference for something short of a diamond) I can buy you that." I gave up. I married a cutie who had everything else too.

From my paternal grandmother, "Dead folks can't smell flowers." A very pointed lesson from a woman I wasn't very close to. If you want to do something for someone - do it while they are alive. Do things that matter to people while they can enjoy them. I have an uncle that recently died and although it broke my heart - I have a lifetime of memories, letters and experiences that tell me - all is well. As I saw so many people say on 911 - "I have no regrets." I take that as a pointed lesson in marriage - if he was gone tomorrow would he know, really really know, how much he means to us.

From my mother, "Life isn't Fair, the sooner you learn it the better off you'll be." I thought many things were not fair growing up. My mother helped me to learn - the world owes you nothing. Some people find it harsh. I am thankful for those early lessons which taught me about the pitfalls of believing that life would be fair. She often told me, these grades are for you. I heard countless times, "I've already passed 3rd grade - what you get is all on you." Got it mom. I got it. Yet the best advice came when I didn't know what to do about becoming a stay at home mama. I was worried about my MBA and resources when she said, "You can't read to them forever. You won't be able to rock them to sleep at nap time in a few years. Enjoy each day and don't think if you aren't there you can recapture it later." An accomplished career woman, I held her feedback to my heart on the many days when we didn't have nickels to rub together.

Words linger for a good long time. I was also the 1988 Debutante Queen at a major African-American society event in my youth, and I was there without my father. That isn't really a good experience when you father is really known locally - it brought unwanted attention to being in a single parent household. Funny thing is, winning was only a part of the experience. My date looked at me in the haze of celebration and said "You were a queen long before the announcement." He came from what I thought was the perfect family but he cautioned me that everything that glitters is not gold. Puts into perspective needing anyone to validate your life, even at 16.

As parents my goodness, there are so many lessons to teach. I'll share my thoughts in another post about what I'll impart to my kidlets.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Like every first born girl born to a type A mommy, the first experiences in Kindergarten were difficult. Maybe not really for Miss Lydie - but surely for mommy. With uniforms lightly starched and a plan for everyday, I noticed that my daughter was only writing her first name on class papers. Sister Saint Martin had given pen privileges in 4th grade, and I was among the first to achieve them. I have for a lifetime thought there was something very important about a name.

I had been careful to teach the little lady the correct way to write her name and gave long speeches about the importance and pride in writing your name, your "signature." She indeed has a beautiful Biblical name. So I packed her up for her first true experiences out of my care with great fear. I am her first teacher I said over and over in my daily routine.

Imagine my surprise when the following few weeks were met with papers that again didn't have her last name. Surely I had raised her to follow directions. I shared with her that "we take pride in our work and write our full name." This time my beaming 4 year old challenged my reasons, "why?" I gave a list from Pride, to "I told you to" and sealed the lesson with "and what if there are multiple children with the name Lydia - the teacher won't know your work." I felt the issue had been firmly addressed.

The next day after school my delightful daughter brought me her papers, "Lydia L." This was not what I had requested. She proceeded to tell me in all of our wisdom:

1. You picked daddy and our name is too long, and I really do know how to spell it.

2. There is no other Lydia in class and our first month is over, so my papers can't get lost with someone else's.

3. I talked to the teachers and got permission to just do my last initial.

4. They said its good I can write it because I don't have to know yet - that's why I'm hear, "so they can teach us."

5. I love you - am I still in trouble? or.........am I one smart cookie?

This wasn't in outline form of course, she basically had one really long run-on sentence that effectively said, "I'm 4 will you give a girl a break?" Indeed, a smart cookie.

My mother smiled with glee at the story - like mother like daughter she said. I frowned my eyebrows at the implication of how crazy I had been in preparing my kidlet for school when I realized...hey, I learned it from somewhere. "Like mother like daughter......" Now, child #2 and child #3 have luckily been promised not to have that experience. Enter slacker mommy.

#2 (age 5) has stated: "It's okay if I get in trouble, its all about choices." (The academic part of the experience will not be the issue, after months of failing to teach him using Abeka - he corrected me reading a bedtime story - la says la, not lo, so it is last not lost. That choices belief will be coupled with consequences)

#3 echoed with glee: "I'm not going to mommy school anymore, I'm going to real school." Then asked, do we get to go to Starbuck's (a.k.a. the Chocolate Milk Store) at my new school? (He knows nearly 10 species of birds, but dear God the R and the P are a challenge.)

Hmmm. Sighhhh. Another school year awaits us and oh the lessons the mommy has learned. From tears to cartwheels in 7 short years! Ask any mama - we've all got our stories to tell. And yes....although not quite as neatly, we all take writing our name very seriously.

Summer Fun in Shades of Blue

On days like this I feel like I'm one lucky and blessed cookie - to spend time with my kids building blue memories like this.







More blue photos are available at the collaboration of Crazy Mamas, crazy like a wise ole fox I'd say.

The Vice of Choice

My husband eats Rum Raisin ice cream nearly every night. Haagen Dazs - without exception. He eats an entire pint with a spoon, no bowl. He has done this for nearly a decade. Typically, he eats this 1,200 calorie treat after midnight.

So I ponder, am I good wife for buying it or a bad wife for allowing him to consume soo many calories and excess sugar each night. I am clearly an enabler. If he had to purchase the ice cream he would still continue to eat it just less often. Frankly, I would lose valuable wife credit because sometimes I buy it when I really have nada to say to him at all. It may be my biggest make up gesture in 12 years, I'll end a heated debate with Haagen Dazs in the freezer. He'd probably prefer I just admit to being wrong. I think I'd rather shop for $4 ice cream. (Okay, $3.50 at Marsh and $2.85 at Walmart).

Is it possible to have ice cream as a love language? I dare say yes, and if he has to have a vice...there are far worse I guess - than ice cream. All the Cold Stone Creamery options combined and he'd pick his favorite. I find great comfort in that, or any other vice that can be addressed with $5 in the frozen section.

For other ice cream tributes visit Crazy Hip Blog Mamas - but, Ice Cream really isn't my thing. If you want to talk about the newly discovered cosmo - do they have that in ice cream?

Childhood Dreams

The Crazy Hip Blog Mama's started a conversation about what you dreamed about as a child. I read the list of topics for the month and couldn't wait to reflect about my ambitions at age 5. I wanted to be Wonder Woman when I grew up! I still do.

No laughing! I road the bus to an elite private school with children who did not look like, live near or seem to have anything in common with me. My saving grace was Alisha, my best friend who dreamed the same types of dreams that I did and served as my connection to my "real world" when life seemed so unfair. Between Alisha and Karen - I thought the world had great potential and I could do just about anything. Wonder Woman, an Artist and a Doctor ranked very high in my alternating list of goals.

Karen was a true friend and seemed color blind in our class and race aware school. Even though it appeared that anyone who could afford this education was part of a similar background - oh how wrong can an indicator be. I held on to that experience for 4 years, by the skin of my professional single moma's teeth. Karen was a testament to 70's progressive parents before diversity was en vogue.

The weird thing is that at 5 or 6, I was acutely aware that I was "average" in my early education. The youngest of my classmates, I used aluminum foil from my lunch to create bracelets, headbands and decorations for my pretend life. I was constantly aware of my "real" life and my "pretend " world co-existing. At that time I never finished first at reading the difficult books, finishing the SRA color or understanding the maps placed before us. I determined somewhere between average and 4th grade that I would prefer to be number 1.

I thought that I was underestimated early on and I set out to prove my potential. I was among the first children to earn pen privileges (Sr. St. Martin taught penmanship as a virtue), I learned the power of words (Mrs. Gray let me write poetry endlessly) and I set out to be the best in whatever life had to offer. As I racked up educational honors, cotillion crowns and a host of achievements...I decided that much of that success was based on meeting and exceeding the expectations of others. I didn't dream of being a stay-at-home mom, a business owner or writer - especially when I was working in the Chemistry labs at 14. I didn't learn to dream big early.

Later in life I determined that my life goal was no longer to prove everyone wrong, but to prove God right. A high school friend once said to me " don't you think I deserved to be on Nat'l Honor Society more than you..." and I thought long and hard about the coveted honor. At 16 I was still prone to judge myself by outward standards and the harsh reality that everyone near you doesn't cheer you. When I gave birth to my children I decided that I would carve out their self-esteem as deliberately as my mother had - exposing them to every opportunity that I could imagine. Teaching the ability to dream would not come much later, it would be toddler lessons 101.

I also decided that motherhood meant being there to help them navigate the unexpected waters of people who question their potential - and the freedom to both succeed and fail, with grace and love. Friendship drama followed me until I decided I was somehow worthy of people who valued friendship as much as I did.

The other lesson that my childhood dreams gave birth to is unlimited imagination. On the yellow bus I escaped what I saw around me and created worlds of my own. I foster that same ability in my children, with attention to chemistry and calculus potential as much as watercolor and walnuts. (maybe I'll have a chef, artist and scientist too!) Their futures are made brighter by my experiences and I strive to help them discover success on their own terms, under God's plan for their lives.

I did become Wonder Woman. I use that rope to harness my fears. My bracelets should be chains to God, so when I spin around I don't lose sight of why I'm really here. For more about my weapons, accessories, training and fashion (I do not do justice for the one piece strapless number) ...stay tuned. There's a lot you can learn from a Super Hero. Oh, and a good childhood can teach you lots too.

Really Proud is Relative

Awhile ago I blogged about my lack of perfection in baking. And today, the Carnival at Crazy Hip Blog Mamas encouraged us to talk about something we are really proud of. I guess, for me the topics are related. I am proud that we make a big deal out of our children's birthdays - without creating a rival to your next theme park, circus or spoiled extravaganza 101. That, however, doesn't stop me from wondering what happened to the cakes of yesteryear.

This cake came directly from MARSH supermarket, and I simply decorated it myself. I looked at what they had, and I couldn't bring myself to purchase their experiments - I decided I would do my own. My little one wanted a rocket cake, and I delivered (sort of) without the grand entrance of Dora, Diego, Spiderman or some character that I didn't have the energy to purchase. I always think I should create my own character, because surely I need the money more than they do.

Now this one was for a princess visiting our home, as she and her mom blessed us with the chance to share an 8th bday celebration. I have created multi-tier cakes, 3-D cupcakes, and even a Blue's Clues star cake that deserves to be memorialized - but this seemed to just miss the mark for me. I later decided that our love, hospitality, and joy for celebration would have to take precedent over perfection yet again. I'm starting to consider this lack of perfection a trend.

The house that FEMA built.
In this instance we are thankful for survival. A dear friend, with my perfection issues, decided that a gingerbread house "kit" was a good gift for my daughter. Our combined 4 kids were overly eager to make it, after not seeing each other for at least 5 months. In case you can't tell, this house has the longevity of , a FEMA house, and would stand for only long enough for the adults in the house to laugh, the children in the house to cry, and for a few pictures to document our errors. The pride is in the survival here - not in the creation.

All of this goes to my observation that in the love of scrapbooking, many people edit out the most fun activities. I have been guilty of creating shrines that don't quite tell the full truth. It is a rookie mistake. Now I glow with pictures of plants turned over, kids caught in the act of powdering an entire room, and the ugly years. That includes some very awful shots of mommy, that are really only to help me remember to eat my carbs more wisely. I guess I'm just proud that we have all grown to enjoy the journey just a little bit more.

Having 3 children, there are countless jokes about what happens over the years. The first child has everything sterilized, the second child gets spit shined, the third child coasts with fast food and baby wipes. I would like to believe I'm not quite like that, but you see I didn't post the 3 tier princess cake for a 3 year old.

So maybe I'm proud of our evolution as a family.
Our Martha Stewart crafts and over idealized goals have been replaced with ad hoc experiences. You want to make snowmen....okay, but I'm not interested in going outside at 20 below. There are more kind and gentle experiences since we've all begun to learn to relax, take a step back, and enjoy each other on this ride.

Good Mommy Blogger

I have spent many months debating when I would completely delete my blog. There are times when I read what I've written and I decided TMI, TMI, TMI. And then...the weirdest thing happened, and I started having lots of visitors. I don't mean more than my usual 2 - hundreds. So, it is quite timely that my circle of buddies at CrazyHipBlogMamas challenged us to explain what makes us good.

My kids think its cool that I write about my experiences, and they no longer look at the computer as my 4th child. They aren't fans of email, but they distinguish between when I write about topics that matter to families, vs. "mommy work" and my professional website. They are so interested in my run ons, that they ask from time to time - "how many people are listening " to what you write. I typically say 2.

However, in recent months I have found hundreds more people visiting. I was happy to say the least, but saddened that they didn't leave comments or just a thought about a particular topic. Imagine my surprise when upon more investigation I found that my mother rants and cute kid pics were not the source of the attention - it was USHER. See, a few weeks ago crazy hip blog mamas got many of us to talking about our confessions- the things we do that we said some years ago, "I will never..." And "my confessions" came with a little picture that gives, well, some visual motivation too. Behold, hundreds of people stumbled upon my thoughts who were intending only to spend time with said R&B star.

Yet, I'm a good mommy blogger because.....

1. Once you are here you'll stay around a bit. Now granted, I have nothing to do with how you found me, but once you are here, you can find humor, essential parenting tips, some spiritual renewal and adult conversations for 2.

2. My kids are interested in what I write about. I'm not up at 2 a.m. in the office, my kids know that I'm writing about our experiences together, and are miffed when politics or business take center stage. They have also been prompted to write more too.

3. I highlight information and blogs that are very interesting, not just my own stuff. A few of my referrals have come from my new blog community, and I'm focused on sharing ideas, interesting people, business, and women who have an authentic voice to share. (I play well with others.) This isn't true for the masses in my experience.

4. My kids are cute. Usher is a fine young man, but I'm grooming two Godly fellas and a Spiritual princess with King Dad who isn't so bad himself most days. Let's hear it for the next generation of life (vs. eye) candy....more than meets the eye, and prepared to change lives.

Lastly, I'm a good mommy blogger because I use words for fuel. My blog often prompts me to action and doesn't just "rant" about other folks. My goal with all of this is to be better tomorrow than I am today. Thanks for sharing the journey. I hope you are prompted to do something, anything, after reading a few of my entries.

And for the 200 Usher fans that stumble upon my site daily, I really do appreciate the 28.9% of you that stay for 15 minutes longer. Surely you can leave me a note and say hi - I appreciate the traffic, although I know its undeserved.

Oh, and the picture is of prince 1 ....I'm starting his fan club early, LOL.

This is My Confession

Usher - an attractive R & B singer who is too young for me to really look at - but, my oh my .... has a song that discusses Confessions. While I will not admit the great appreciation I have for this young man - if I had a cool site his song would play in the background as you read this post. (His picture will disappear in a few days to save my dignity - but for now I have so few visitors - no harm, no harm.)

No, not my confession about some hot young man - my confessions about things I said I would never do and "mommy hacks" which was encouraged by the ladies at the carnival.

Well I Never. Oh, but I did, and I do.

1. Feed my children hot dogs as dinner food, and add fruit for a balanced "meal".

2. Justify cold pizza for breakfast to avoid getting a tardy at school, while telling the "gifted child" - look - you have protein, dairy, carbs and it is indeed a breakfast my dear.

3. Send my sons to retrieve sanitary products from a different bathroom in the house - by sending them on a search and find mission for peach plastic diaper pods. (Don't ask, I'm already ashamed.)

4. Eat off of my childrens plate. I will never consume half eaten food from someone else's plate said the woman I used to be. Until she encountered the woman that I am that cooked pot roast, green beans, tender baby carrots, cabbage and had 2/3 folks tell me that they would prefer something less spicy, less healthy, less vegetably, or some other word that doesn't sound like gratitude for my labor. (Refer to #1)

5. Play on the computer instead of engaging in some intellectual, esteem building activity with my children. A woman needs a break, okay.

6. Use a marker for interior decorating purposes. Need to correct a dent, chip in a picture frame, cover up that oddity on the stairs .... scrapbook supplies 101, or a good Sharpie I tell ya.

7. Threaten to spank my children in front of their class as an effective mechanism for asserting my role as an effective parent. (By the way - it did work)

8. Achieve clean counter tops for guests by taking a laundry basket and using my hand as a shovel. Yup. I love flylady and I love order, and I love - Rubbermaid. The blue handled basket with flexible sides does wonder for one's temporary dignity.

9. Cuss. As a Christian and a work in progress, I strive to set an example that my children will appreciate later in life. I work to be an active member of my community, neighborhood, church and workforce. I strive to be the person who leads, motivates and inspires. I cuss from time to time. Ask my children:

Infant girl age 2 some years ago, "What the hell, what the hell?" After stumbling upon some mess of toys on the floor.

Toddler boy age 3 a year ago, after my mother used a choice word in her kitchen. "Ass hole, Ass hole." And after I scolded my mother, she clarified, " I said ass, he added hole, and he didn't learn it here."

4 year old boy during a summer game, "Oh Shit." After things didn't go quite right.

I'm telling you, I said I would never. My house is not a potty mouth house, and you might even enjoy my hospitality. But, if we are confessing - tell the truth, and shame the devil. God already heard it anyway.

10. Pick a bogger out of child's nose with my finger because he couldn't blow it out - and I was tired of dealing with it. Yep, I did it. And...I drove home with it on my finger until I cried at the steering wheel and realized that I really needed more time out as an adult. A grown woman with a bogger.

So, maybe later I'll tell you what new uses I have come up with for everyday products, but my dignity (or lack thereof )has made me cease my writing for today.

Sigh................

Beauty Secrets.... SHhhhhh!

When the crazy ladies at crazyhipblogmamas asked women to write their top 5 beauty secrets or tips, I laughed. If I stood out on the nearest public street right now every member of the fashion police would arrest me, those who weren't photographing me with a big X for their magazine that is. How is it possible to ensure that your children, your husband, your house and even some days your car is taken care of.....but not pay attention to yourself.

So, I do have beauty secrets - and I'm sure my husband believes they are a well kept secret many days of the week. Here it goes.

The Mommy Beauty Regimen:

5. Drink lots of water - an entire boat load. See, I have found when everything else is hitting the fan, some dear woman will tell me that I have the most beautiful skin and I will chuckle dearly. How is it possible to see my skin when it is well hidden under my stress and wardrobe -but it is indeed possible. Drink water, drink water and then ....drink some more water.

4. Lip tint. I am not a big consumer of lipstick, lip gloss or chapstick.... but I manage to have something of one sort or another in arms reach most days. Now, the funny thing is, American Girl lip gloss is the best kept secret in the world. And for many a spur of the moment occasion, I have used it as lip tint, eyeshadow and blusher. I should thank my 7 year old.

3. Vaseline. You can buy all of the Eucerin, Aquaphor, and Cetaphil you want....want if you have a dry skin issue - vaseline is the key. It is by far the best moisturizer, make-up remover, chafed skin reliever, all around cure for whatever ails you.

2. Arm & Hammer peroxide tooth paste. I'm sorry, there is nothing better than clean and white teeth. I have come to believe that Arm & Hammer is to the mouth exactly what it is to the refrigerator. A gently pick me up and cure all for whatever ails you. I think, when I'm at my very worst, clean teeth and fresh breath go far.

I know, there is nothing interesting and revolutionary thus far - not quite a beauty you must be thinking. Hey, every girl has to have her secret weapon. I mean, I must be spending my grocery money on something right.

My number 1 beauty secret is................

1. Prayer. If you have a quality inner life and peace, you have a tremendous outer glow. In the midst of a difficult day, situation, relationship, circumstance - if you can gather yourself long enough to take a deep breath and thank God that you exist, all will be well. For everything else - try Get Fresh, Mandarin Ginger Body Butter. It will help you remember all those other things...because you will smell just like heaven. Be well.

By the way, can writing a blog be a beauty secret???

Intentional Progress Over Perfection

I don't really know where to start. I am really creative. I love to bake. I am a perfectionist in most things. (Written to the tune of "I think I can, I think I can.") I live for everything coming together and seeing every i dotted, and t crossed. Yet, motherhood has taught me a lot about my expectations in life - perfection is a fading memory.

We are on the tightest budget of our lives. We own two mortgages and not by choice. When my youngest child was approaching his 3rd birthday, I knew that we would have a small celebration. I told Drew, "Mommy will make you a birthday cake...." and that was enough for him. I, however, could only remember the multi-tier princess cake my daughter had at her 3rd birthday. This wasn't quite a fair competition. No equity whatsoever.

I don't have a problem with store purchased cakes, I just don't like them. So - I would either order directly from a wonderful stay-at-home mom that made delicious and very fancy cakes, I would rely on my best friend (the God Mommy) who does a tremendous job decorating cakes, or I would work my heart out to really create something fabulous. One year we had a trememdous Blue's Clues cake and I felt bad for every baker who has ever used stars to create the illusion of perfection. 200 stars and 4.5 hours later - I think the cake pan is still hiding from its lack of repeat use. (It has been 3 years at least....)

Drew likes rockets and mommy made a funny looking rocket cake for his birthday. It didn't have perfect letters or the "right" color icing - and I decorated it in the pan. For a woman that lives for perfection - I had failure written all over my face. I don't even have a fancy cake dish for a rectangle cake - yikes. I mean it can be hard to recover from such a missed opportunity of Martha Stewartism. Yet, the only thing that my little boy did was squeal in delight about his rocket cake. He was happy with his creation and was ready to eat it before the picture was taken. There's a lesson to be learned about "good enough" in all of this.

Sometimes I'm ready to climb heaven and earth to accomplish something that requires level C effort. The time, cost and emotional savings can then be placed into some other value added activity - like enjoying the cake with the kids. My husband said as we were preparing to ebay a few items, "How about that South Beach Book - you've stopped that right." I sunk a little bit and was ready to memoralize his insensitivity, when I thought to myself - where is the energy best used?

My energy nowadays is used to write, to play with a messy kid who likes funny looking cakes, to sleep late, to look out the window instead of cleaning it. As a result of this decision - I only promise two things anymore: a clean bathroom and clean dishes, so that you can go potty at my house with dignity, and so that you can have water without fearing for your life. IPOP is my theme of the year - Intentional Progress Over Perfection. So, while I may need to go back over to that beach....I will spend my time soaking up my sons, and my little princess too.






















When you are tempted to think that your efforts aren't really good enough - think again. Motherhood is filled with moments to reach the highest heights - but its also filled with wisdom to realize that Betty, Duncan and Dough Boy who came before us can help us to cherish our priorities. Celebrate "Good Enough" and enjoy the day!

Spring Cometh....I think!

I am a firm believer that Fall is one of the best seasons that exists. I like the colors, the eye candy of the leaves, the no-jacket weather with long pants, it is my time of the year. It precedes some of my favorite holidays in addition to the birthday season of the majority of my family. But today, I wondering along with other mamas, where is Spring?

One of my favorite flowers is the tulip and they are no where to be seen. I look forward to the tulip and daffodil competition that frames so many homes, driveways and flower beds. I'm convinced that tulips are one of the most infectious flowers - easily able to make you smile, when you know they will stay but for a short time.

I'm also looking forward to Spring because of the forced weight loss plan. Let's face it - today I had carrot cake (very good Tea's Me cake) and I'm eyeing left over girl scout cookies. In just a few short weeks I'll give up all the carbs for the vanity of losing some weight and hopefully getting back on track. After I lost 40 lbs. I got a little too friendly with the stress of transition and relocation - and I've found a few things I never wanted to see again. I look forward to Spring because salads, iced tea and bottled water will overwhelm my desire for things I don't need.

Spring also offers a sense of renewal. I shared my "tea friend experience" and in the last few weeks I've met new women who are expanding my circle of connection. The women I have met have been diverse, interesting, S.M.A.R.T., professional, successful, motivated....and each one in our conversations talked about the "potential of the next phase of life." I think Spring makes everyone think about the potential of life, and with the first quarter of the year over we know that the clock is ticking to reach our fullest potential.

We are in the midst of a thunderstorm, the rain is falling, my kids are a little concerned about tornadoes - and I'm blogging about Spring. Spring is also a bit unpredictable - kind of like weather in general, our feelings, the future. In a life of unpredictable actions and reactions, the hope of Spring is that good things are to come. Jeremiah 29:11 speaks to what the future holds and God's plan for us all. When I think about Spring I think about an expected end, and I know that God has wonderful things just waiting for us.

My daughter prayed that daddy would come home safe and he did. Today I could have blogged about anything - Imus, S.M.A.R.T. Women, being a consultant, Barack, Fundraising, marriage, friendship - but it seems right to talk about something as simple as Spring and the hope it brings.