Wisdom

Words of Wisdom about what you will impart to your children was a featured topic on the Crazy Mama connection this week. I love the folks that visit that site because it has helped me to read as much as I write - and explore the other thoughts and cool mommy bloggers. Make sure to share your Words of Wisdom too.

I used to dislike that title "Mommy Bloggers", but the reality is that I am a Mother and I am Political, and I have a dry sense of humor and I am Black, and thus....there are a lot of reasons to read my Christian, yet imperfect, walk, in the pages of this blog. And...."Crazy MBA Mama Blogger" doesn't have a ring to it, nor does any of the other titles I considered briefly.

I have three beautiful and brilliant children with a man that I have been married to for the last 12 years. I wanted to ensure that my children had an active father in their lives but it never really occurred to me that I had picked someone that had a similar "distant" relationship with their own father. Enter God. I have the most family oriented husband around, who isn't surprised that the Chrysler Towne and Country is the closest he'll get to prosperity & virility symbols for a little bit. God is an awesome example when you are searching for models in this life of ours.

Our words of wisdom will include:

1. Accept Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. I'm not preaching against the members of Bedside Baptist but life is too hard to not have a guiding North Star - and as for me and my house, "We shall worship the Lord." People get all bent out of shape because of this or that religion issue - and I have room for lots of questions after 12 years of Catholic Schooling. But when Beyonce is jealous she isn't Latina, Vanessa is sending photos of her musical behind across the web, and Brittney can't listen to a dozen folks holding mirrors in front of her....well people, they need to believe in something that gives to them and doesn't just take from them.

2. Take care of each other. I hated my mother's threats to my brother and I that we were "all each other had." Surely it wasn't true. I have a big enough family, loving aunts, extended family, a great grandmother.... but she was right. when it comes down to it she taught us to be there for each other no matter what. 14 odd tattoo's later - I love my brother with all my heart. Teaching our children to take care of each other is a very important lesson for us.

3. You must out perform racism. Don't have to agree with Colin Powell to understand his words. Don't have to like everything about Dr. Condi to respect her achievements. Don't have to like the fact that this is truer in 2007 than ever before. In our home we will teach our children to outperform every limitation on their life. Will this remove racism? NO. However, I quietly present to you that children with a 1600 Sat aren't questioned about Affirmative Action, the best on the team doesn't have to defend why they were selected, a math genius is able to calculate what they are worth in a job market, and a prima ballerina who can dance to Amerie is looked at as "balanced."

4. You are African-American. In order to live your life with the happiness you deserve recognize that it is your job, and nobody else will see it quite like you - to know "the rest of the story". Media, history books, others - will never be your guide for who you are. If you want to really know about the history of our people, start with the history of your family. There is a rich cross section of history right there.

5. Burn your journals. I mean really, I saved letters from 4th grade through post college, and well - EMBARRASSED. Burn baby burn.

6. Marry Rich. I'm sorry but I will teach this lesson alongside my 101 lessons on independence, entrepreneurship, self-sufficiency and higher education. As my friend says about the golden Rule, He who has the Gold makes the Rules. And I'm just not opposed to integrating financial intelligence with good choices. Save your sighs of my materialism, I will not apologize. And if John and Jack, or Emily and LaToya are standing apples to apples on values, poise, character, loving you......um, financial solvency for $1,000,000 please.

7. Honor Thy Father and Mother that thy lives shall be long...or your life will be painful.

8. Own your mistakes. They will either build you or bury you, and we'll love you even through the painful days.

9. Iron sharpens Iron. You attract people to you that have things in common with you. Be the best person you can be, make the life of someone else better, give back, practice philanthropy along side random acts of kindness, and it will come back to you.

10. Tomorrow is not promised. Live life to its fullest and when all is said and done - can you look in the mirror and say you are proud of what you have become? If so, nothing else need be said. Oh, and....don't forget, go bck to #1 in all things.

Don't have to agree...but hey, I'm talking about my words of wisdom in a society where OJ gets more press than Dunbar Village, a client used the phrase nigger in a story she told me - without any thought of how inappropriate it would be, Sharpton is seen as a role model, only a small group of children no Mae J and 3/4 of all youth know .25 cent - he's not worth .50, and you kinda have to just roll with me on my point here. Barack Obama is questioned for "ummm lack of qualifications" and lack of Blackness.

In 2007, I better have a lot of wisdom to share. My husband and I both do. We are raising young black children at a time when their lives still aren't valued, we still have to teach what to do if the police ever pull you over, and we have extensive rules about being a girl and what it means in a majority culture school where you are examined for more than your academic achievements but as a representative of an entire race. in 2007. and as I said - your faith in an omnipotent God has to carry you where your sanity and understanding of race, culture, politics and religion will not.

The Power of Words

I love quotes and quips - little pieces of advice that allow you to think reflectively about the reason we are all here and do what we do. Proverbs is one of my favorite sources but then there's Maya Angelou and an assortment of female mentors too. I was really intrigued when the crazy mamas started collaborating on the best advice given to you, and I'm joining in the fun to share the wealth.

From my maternal grandmother who though it practical to talk about how the men we dated looked: "You remember you have to look at him every morning. and every night." I was particularly progressive about marrying a man who was able to talk to me and inspire me, beyond his individual looks. I told my grandmother that we had a history of fine men who were not fine in their character already and I wouldn't be joining the obsession with pretty boy men. So then she went practical, "if not for you, please think about my grandbabies." I was irritated with this advice and told her with a straight face that every baby is cute. Then in her early 70's she replied, "Don't forget - monkey's are cute too, and I don't want one of them for a grandbaby either." Point taken. Let's not act as if looks don't matter and that you can ignore the obvious - my grandmother has always been very practical. I was engaged to a fella for about 2 weeks in my youth, and she indicated, "If you just wanted an Imond (not a typo, a reference for something short of a diamond) I can buy you that." I gave up. I married a cutie who had everything else too.

From my paternal grandmother, "Dead folks can't smell flowers." A very pointed lesson from a woman I wasn't very close to. If you want to do something for someone - do it while they are alive. Do things that matter to people while they can enjoy them. I have an uncle that recently died and although it broke my heart - I have a lifetime of memories, letters and experiences that tell me - all is well. As I saw so many people say on 911 - "I have no regrets." I take that as a pointed lesson in marriage - if he was gone tomorrow would he know, really really know, how much he means to us.

From my mother, "Life isn't Fair, the sooner you learn it the better off you'll be." I thought many things were not fair growing up. My mother helped me to learn - the world owes you nothing. Some people find it harsh. I am thankful for those early lessons which taught me about the pitfalls of believing that life would be fair. She often told me, these grades are for you. I heard countless times, "I've already passed 3rd grade - what you get is all on you." Got it mom. I got it. Yet the best advice came when I didn't know what to do about becoming a stay at home mama. I was worried about my MBA and resources when she said, "You can't read to them forever. You won't be able to rock them to sleep at nap time in a few years. Enjoy each day and don't think if you aren't there you can recapture it later." An accomplished career woman, I held her feedback to my heart on the many days when we didn't have nickels to rub together.

Words linger for a good long time. I was also the 1988 Debutante Queen at a major African-American society event in my youth, and I was there without my father. That isn't really a good experience when you father is really known locally - it brought unwanted attention to being in a single parent household. Funny thing is, winning was only a part of the experience. My date looked at me in the haze of celebration and said "You were a queen long before the announcement." He came from what I thought was the perfect family but he cautioned me that everything that glitters is not gold. Puts into perspective needing anyone to validate your life, even at 16.

As parents my goodness, there are so many lessons to teach. I'll share my thoughts in another post about what I'll impart to my kidlets.