Thursday, May 17, 2007

This is My Confession

Usher - an attractive R & B singer who is too young for me to really look at - but, my oh my .... has a song that discusses Confessions. While I will not admit the great appreciation I have for this young man - if I had a cool site his song would play in the background as you read this post. (His picture will disappear in a few days to save my dignity - but for now I have so few visitors - no harm, no harm.)

No, not my confession about some hot young man - my confessions about things I said I would never do and "mommy hacks" which was encouraged by the ladies at the carnival.

Well I Never. Oh, but I did, and I do.

1. Feed my children hot dogs as dinner food, and add fruit for a balanced "meal".

2. Justify cold pizza for breakfast to avoid getting a tardy at school, while telling the "gifted child" - look - you have protein, dairy, carbs and it is indeed a breakfast my dear.

3. Send my sons to retrieve sanitary products from a different bathroom in the house - by sending them on a search and find mission for peach plastic diaper pods. (Don't ask, I'm already ashamed.)

4. Eat off of my childrens plate. I will never consume half eaten food from someone else's plate said the woman I used to be. Until she encountered the woman that I am that cooked pot roast, green beans, tender baby carrots, cabbage and had 2/3 folks tell me that they would prefer something less spicy, less healthy, less vegetably, or some other word that doesn't sound like gratitude for my labor. (Refer to #1)

5. Play on the computer instead of engaging in some intellectual, esteem building activity with my children. A woman needs a break, okay.

6. Use a marker for interior decorating purposes. Need to correct a dent, chip in a picture frame, cover up that oddity on the stairs .... scrapbook supplies 101, or a good Sharpie I tell ya.

7. Threaten to spank my children in front of their class as an effective mechanism for asserting my role as an effective parent. (By the way - it did work)

8. Achieve clean counter tops for guests by taking a laundry basket and using my hand as a shovel. Yup. I love flylady and I love order, and I love - Rubbermaid. The blue handled basket with flexible sides does wonder for one's temporary dignity.

9. Cuss. As a Christian and a work in progress, I strive to set an example that my children will appreciate later in life. I work to be an active member of my community, neighborhood, church and workforce. I strive to be the person who leads, motivates and inspires. I cuss from time to time. Ask my children:

Infant girl age 2 some years ago, "What the hell, what the hell?" After stumbling upon some mess of toys on the floor.

Toddler boy age 3 a year ago, after my mother used a choice word in her kitchen. "Ass hole, Ass hole." And after I scolded my mother, she clarified, " I said ass, he added hole, and he didn't learn it here."

4 year old boy during a summer game, "Oh Shit." After things didn't go quite right.

I'm telling you, I said I would never. My house is not a potty mouth house, and you might even enjoy my hospitality. But, if we are confessing - tell the truth, and shame the devil. God already heard it anyway.

10. Pick a bogger out of child's nose with my finger because he couldn't blow it out - and I was tired of dealing with it. Yep, I did it. And...I drove home with it on my finger until I cried at the steering wheel and realized that I really needed more time out as an adult. A grown woman with a bogger.

So, maybe later I'll tell you what new uses I have come up with for everyday products, but my dignity (or lack thereof )has made me cease my writing for today.



nobaddays said...

You sound like my kind of mama ... I mean like the kind of mama I am :o) Nice to meet you.

Mama Zen said...

My, my, my!! That is one, um, healthy looking young man!

Forgot what I was going to write . . .

Oh, yeah! Number four! Doesn't that just get to you? And, since I refuse to waste food, I also pick off my child's plate. This one's even worse: I have actually eaten the cookie parts of an Oreo after my daughter has licked off the filling. How's that for gross?

Yvette said...

LOL, A! Well, we;ve all been there, yes? Anyway, thanks for the Friday laugh--not to mention the eye candy!

Anonymous said...

LOL - I could relate in part to daughter found it very amusing at the tender age of 3 to discover that her momma wore a diaper which she quickly shared with her preschool class upon arrival that day. Combine that with the cuss words she has on occassion heard me utter at a driver...your list is priceless! I resemble it and enjoyed the laugh.