Childhood Dreams

The Crazy Hip Blog Mama's started a conversation about what you dreamed about as a child. I read the list of topics for the month and couldn't wait to reflect about my ambitions at age 5. I wanted to be Wonder Woman when I grew up! I still do.

No laughing! I road the bus to an elite private school with children who did not look like, live near or seem to have anything in common with me. My saving grace was Alisha, my best friend who dreamed the same types of dreams that I did and served as my connection to my "real world" when life seemed so unfair. Between Alisha and Karen - I thought the world had great potential and I could do just about anything. Wonder Woman, an Artist and a Doctor ranked very high in my alternating list of goals.

Karen was a true friend and seemed color blind in our class and race aware school. Even though it appeared that anyone who could afford this education was part of a similar background - oh how wrong can an indicator be. I held on to that experience for 4 years, by the skin of my professional single moma's teeth. Karen was a testament to 70's progressive parents before diversity was en vogue.

The weird thing is that at 5 or 6, I was acutely aware that I was "average" in my early education. The youngest of my classmates, I used aluminum foil from my lunch to create bracelets, headbands and decorations for my pretend life. I was constantly aware of my "real" life and my "pretend " world co-existing. At that time I never finished first at reading the difficult books, finishing the SRA color or understanding the maps placed before us. I determined somewhere between average and 4th grade that I would prefer to be number 1.

I thought that I was underestimated early on and I set out to prove my potential. I was among the first children to earn pen privileges (Sr. St. Martin taught penmanship as a virtue), I learned the power of words (Mrs. Gray let me write poetry endlessly) and I set out to be the best in whatever life had to offer. As I racked up educational honors, cotillion crowns and a host of achievements...I decided that much of that success was based on meeting and exceeding the expectations of others. I didn't dream of being a stay-at-home mom, a business owner or writer - especially when I was working in the Chemistry labs at 14. I didn't learn to dream big early.

Later in life I determined that my life goal was no longer to prove everyone wrong, but to prove God right. A high school friend once said to me " don't you think I deserved to be on Nat'l Honor Society more than you..." and I thought long and hard about the coveted honor. At 16 I was still prone to judge myself by outward standards and the harsh reality that everyone near you doesn't cheer you. When I gave birth to my children I decided that I would carve out their self-esteem as deliberately as my mother had - exposing them to every opportunity that I could imagine. Teaching the ability to dream would not come much later, it would be toddler lessons 101.

I also decided that motherhood meant being there to help them navigate the unexpected waters of people who question their potential - and the freedom to both succeed and fail, with grace and love. Friendship drama followed me until I decided I was somehow worthy of people who valued friendship as much as I did.

The other lesson that my childhood dreams gave birth to is unlimited imagination. On the yellow bus I escaped what I saw around me and created worlds of my own. I foster that same ability in my children, with attention to chemistry and calculus potential as much as watercolor and walnuts. (maybe I'll have a chef, artist and scientist too!) Their futures are made brighter by my experiences and I strive to help them discover success on their own terms, under God's plan for their lives.

I did become Wonder Woman. I use that rope to harness my fears. My bracelets should be chains to God, so when I spin around I don't lose sight of why I'm really here. For more about my weapons, accessories, training and fashion (I do not do justice for the one piece strapless number) ...stay tuned. There's a lot you can learn from a Super Hero. Oh, and a good childhood can teach you lots too.

DreamGirls....In Real Life

What is your dream job? Have you ever thought about what you were meant to be - vs. what you may be doing right now? If you have reached your dreams - please share your thoughts with my readers - I'm still a work in progress - I'm not there yet. Join the hipmamas with your own thoughts about the "dream job" in your life, or your pursuit of it.

I am the principal of ALlyd Image Solutions, a consulting firm that helps non-profit agencies reach their full potential. I started the practice shortly after my first child was born, when I decided I couldn't work 60 hr. weeks for the rest of my life. I get to address strategy, leadership, resource development and communication - and I love it. I knew that I had professional goals and dreams, but the traditional workforce didn't fit with how I wanted to raise my children. I have worked a vareity of executive and development jobs since that time, and I have continued to consult - largely full-time, in order to have the life we desired. Reality is - Somedays it feels like a dream, and others nightmare.

I get the opportunity to help non-profit agencies fulfill their mission while operating as an effective business. Somedays I get dressed from head to toe, conduct trainings and workshops, strategize and develop plans...and other days, I go to the zoo - in jeans. Flexibility is essential to my happiness, and I like to work hard and play hard. What can happen in this ideal scenario however, is the tendency to work 24 hrs. a day, instead of 8.

My day doesn't start and end at a certain time. As I balance pick-ups, drop-offs and homework - I also have little ones that demand much of my attention. I aspire to have them know that they are my first priority, and to carve out specific times when my clients can have my full attention. What can get lost in this equation is balance. So - I have developed a checklist of how to maintain my happiness in my dream job as a consultant.

1. Identify Your DreamGirls.....

Please, don't get me wrong - a portion of my dreams are fulfilled by my dreamguy, handsome geek husband of 12 years. Yet, I have dreamgirls that make life more manageable. They help me with inspiration, child care emergencies, motivation, tough talk and little reminders about what I do. They often talk my off of the ledge when I think about what could have been if I had gone to corporate America.

2. Identify What Works and What Does Not....

I used to not talk about my children in an effort to keep personal and professional life separate. I have read numerous articles that say you should distinguish those aspects of your life and eliminate any cross over. Note to self - I am my business. My clients know about my kids, the location of my office (both the real one and the laundry room for peace at times), my priorities and my plan B, plan C and plan D options. If someone wants a robot, I am not the best fit. I have learned to just be who I am and at times that means a very humble consultant with 1 contract and at other times - I can't stop thanking God for my overflow of blessings.

3. Pace Yourself

You can have it all, but you can't have it all at the same time. I can look at the grass on other lawns on an average day - but I also get the reminder to look at my own. I have made choices about the type of life I want to have, and although the pieces are a little jagged around the edges - they have been choices. I love my work. I love the time I have with my children.

4. Operate with YOUR Values

A friend of mine often asks what would I do for $1,000,000. We have extreme financial pressures at times, but what I usually can answer most effectively is what I will not do. I operate by principles and beliefs that I can live with and that has to be enough for me at the end of the day - even when the contract is lost as a result of it.

5. Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses

I am a very good consultant. I do a lot of really good work. Yet, I have blown it in the worst way at times - and I learn as much from my failures as from my successes. I am at a point in life when I can rejoice in both. My kids get to see that I am confident about my skills and humble in my weaknesses - I strive to be and do better, often.

In the movie DREAMGIRLS there are a variety of talented women who are trying to make it to the top. It is set in a different time, in a different industry and with different circumstances than my life. Yet, in real life, I'm glad that my DreamGirls play out differently. We have reached a point in our lives when we define our lives based on our goals and standards, and we work collectively and collaboratively, not at each others expense.

There is something very powerful about working with other independent women who own their own businesses, use their skills to create and define unique jobs, achieve great educational heights and build each other up. One of the best parts of my dream job may be that I get to work with amazing women often. I am reaching for my dreams, and showing my children that they have the power to do the same - defining the terms every step of the way. Now, if I could only get that $1m, while pursuing those dreams.