My Sisterhood is Changing....

Motherhood is not a silo experience.  

Not in my world, not in the way my children have experienced life.  I'm understanding more and more, my sisterhood and my life, are changing.

A few months ago I wrote a post about the juggling that happens in motherhood.  I thought it would be a light release of all the things related to ordering your inner and outer world.  I used the language that was freely used in my circle to define the special crazy that is being a mother.  I didn't expect what came next, a reminder that change is the only constant. 

I have 3 children at three different schools, they ride three different buses, for three different start times.  No pity necessary, but it is the lens that colors how I view life.  The sisterhood has always been another way to view life - sometimes being reminded how much to be thankful for or how much laughter is necessary when I've managed to lose my way.  I'm thankful for my sisterfriends and the sisterhood that supports me in this journey.  The sisterhood is just changing.

My mother was famous for saying, "Life isn't fair, the sooner you learn it the better you'll be."  She also said, "Everyone isn't going to like you, you better figure out how to be your own best friend."  I didn't realize then how hard she had to parent a bit of a sensitive child that was attracted to justice, equity and a belief that life should be full of roses.  The reality is even in my earliest of days, she was teaching me lessons for the future.

In my Christian walk I am reminded, we were never promised life without pain or hardship.  Motherhood is a very special club and I have evolved to understand, your circle can change just as your life changes.  Change can be necessary and difficult all at the same time.  I just believe firmly, the journey is made better with true friends. 

If you read my posts, you'll know that I have often talked about my wife reality, from Domestic Sexy to things I just don't understand, like the Fear of Laundry completion.  None of those things defines life overall, but I think the reality of being a mother and being a wife are elements of the same story, my story.  I couldn't be the mother that I am without having my husband, the one that accepts my flaws and knows my heart.   I am also a better mother because of the truest of sisterfriends that continue to build my experiences in this journey.

I was blessed with an unexpected post about my philanthropy during this August celebration of Black Philanthropy month #BPM2013.  The questions made me reflect on my work and my dreams, in addition to my understanding of motherhood and this sisterhood.  I have been blessed with Aunties, Godparents, Grandma's, Granny's, Women of the Church, Neighbors, Parents of the Kids friends, 2nd Family Members, etc., to round out that support network that allows so much more than I every realized.  You can read my Ms. Eva post to learn more. 

No matter how complex life gets, there should always be... 

1) Someone who knows your heart, and loves you anyway.  

2) A sisterhood that holds you up, at your best and at your worst.  

3) A group that shares your values and aspirations.

4) Someone to travel with and a family to play date with. 

5) Someone who can run faster, jump higher, cook better, excel quicker than you.  Aspiration and competition work hand in hand, when you encourage and acknowledge each other. 

I don't know how mothers make it work.  I'm not certain how you handle your mama schedule, mama lessons, mama date nights and mama friends.  I do know, if you are one of those life altering anchors or very special ride or die friends, I hope someone has told you thank you.  Life changes, your sisterhood may change, but the need for "your circle" should not change.  Today I'm wondering, how do you handle the changes?

Friendship Reflections

Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.
~ John F. Kennedy

I had a recent experience that knocked my foundation a bit. I asked a friend to do me a favor that I assumed was no big deal. And in fact, it was a big deal. My foundation was turned on its ear because my vision of friendship is very, very strong. More than that - the more "in fellowship" that I am, the more transparent I tend to be. I make jokes about my circle, and the fact that as a continuous ring it does not increase (the full bodied tea ladies know that not to be true) but can indeed get smaller. I have spent a lifetime examining the experiences of friendship. Until today.

The only person to examine in a friendship looks back at you every morning. What you are willing to do and be is based on who you are, and not on what others do, believe or demonstrate that they are. While I spent a week caught up in the "I can't believe that happened," my life was tremendously blessed, over and over again - by people who were not stuck. I tend to get "stuck." I suppose, in every situation, one can say I totally missed the context clues....or when you see the clues, you can respond, and live. I want to teach my daughter about friendships and about the lessons that I have learned. The first is, believe in yourself, and all else - disappointment included, will just have to follow.

Friendship, in fact, is a great opportunity to experience your strengths and your short comings in living color. For there are people who I would not have depended on if I hadn't realized that this too - is a lesson, to trust yourself. While I observe with curious interest my daughter's ability to learn and grow in friendship - I see that she is teaching me about the lessons as well. One day, in the far far future, I look forward to being her mother and her friend. Today, I focus on gratitude, for all the things that have been added to my life because of friends. And for the many things I have added to the lives I have touched too.

Some of the things I know
I know only because older women have
told me their secrets.
I have lived and am living long
so that I can tell my secrets to younger women.
That's the reason we women go on improving.

~ Maya Angelou

Are you telling young women your secrets?
Are they improving because you have shared your lessons, too?