My Sisterhood is Changing....

Motherhood is not a silo experience.  

Not in my world, not in the way my children have experienced life.  I'm understanding more and more, my sisterhood and my life, are changing.

A few months ago I wrote a post about the juggling that happens in motherhood.  I thought it would be a light release of all the things related to ordering your inner and outer world.  I used the language that was freely used in my circle to define the special crazy that is being a mother.  I didn't expect what came next, a reminder that change is the only constant. 

I have 3 children at three different schools, they ride three different buses, for three different start times.  No pity necessary, but it is the lens that colors how I view life.  The sisterhood has always been another way to view life - sometimes being reminded how much to be thankful for or how much laughter is necessary when I've managed to lose my way.  I'm thankful for my sisterfriends and the sisterhood that supports me in this journey.  The sisterhood is just changing.

My mother was famous for saying, "Life isn't fair, the sooner you learn it the better you'll be."  She also said, "Everyone isn't going to like you, you better figure out how to be your own best friend."  I didn't realize then how hard she had to parent a bit of a sensitive child that was attracted to justice, equity and a belief that life should be full of roses.  The reality is even in my earliest of days, she was teaching me lessons for the future.

In my Christian walk I am reminded, we were never promised life without pain or hardship.  Motherhood is a very special club and I have evolved to understand, your circle can change just as your life changes.  Change can be necessary and difficult all at the same time.  I just believe firmly, the journey is made better with true friends. 

If you read my posts, you'll know that I have often talked about my wife reality, from Domestic Sexy to things I just don't understand, like the Fear of Laundry completion.  None of those things defines life overall, but I think the reality of being a mother and being a wife are elements of the same story, my story.  I couldn't be the mother that I am without having my husband, the one that accepts my flaws and knows my heart.   I am also a better mother because of the truest of sisterfriends that continue to build my experiences in this journey.

I was blessed with an unexpected post about my philanthropy during this August celebration of Black Philanthropy month #BPM2013.  The questions made me reflect on my work and my dreams, in addition to my understanding of motherhood and this sisterhood.  I have been blessed with Aunties, Godparents, Grandma's, Granny's, Women of the Church, Neighbors, Parents of the Kids friends, 2nd Family Members, etc., to round out that support network that allows so much more than I every realized.  You can read my Ms. Eva post to learn more. 

No matter how complex life gets, there should always be... 

1) Someone who knows your heart, and loves you anyway.  

2) A sisterhood that holds you up, at your best and at your worst.  

3) A group that shares your values and aspirations.

4) Someone to travel with and a family to play date with. 

5) Someone who can run faster, jump higher, cook better, excel quicker than you.  Aspiration and competition work hand in hand, when you encourage and acknowledge each other. 

I don't know how mothers make it work.  I'm not certain how you handle your mama schedule, mama lessons, mama date nights and mama friends.  I do know, if you are one of those life altering anchors or very special ride or die friends, I hope someone has told you thank you.  Life changes, your sisterhood may change, but the need for "your circle" should not change.  Today I'm wondering, how do you handle the changes?

Big Give Excitement...and the heart of philanthropy

I tuned into the premier of Oprah's Big Give, and as a development consultant by training, I had my many doubts. With all of my insight and non-profit baggage I thought I'd be immune to reality based "do good" programming. I didn't actually cry, but I came close.

Not because I was overwhelmed with what I saw, but out of sadness for what the format would do for the time consuming and intense nature of true philanthropy. One hour doesn't give you much insight into the reality when $50,000 checks are presented after one phone call. Don't get me wrong, the catalyst for communication and debate is healthy...and anything that spurs interest in giving has some innate good to it. The essential issue for me is what it says about non-profit agencies and the true work of development. If people think that it just takes 5 days and you can launch gifts of substantial amounts to any one and any thing - we're in trouble. If, however, people are prompted to do something with impact, purpose and sustainability let me sign up a few hundred of those right away.

The local television station here is conducting its own Big Give of sorts, and I'm thrilled about Big Give Indiana. I think that there is tremendous opportunity for $10K to be used by 2 groups to leverage resources to agencies. I'm not posting more about it because I'm thoughtfully considering which group of people I can mobilize to be competitive. I'll post more on that this month.

But....if I had my druthers, I'd ask for someone to host Big Give Michigan. I have yet to work with an agency that excites me as much as Community Housing Network. Located in Troy, Michigan the agency is a diamond in the rough....heavy emphasis on the diamond.


Why are they great you ask? Well even though I no longer live in Michigan, if I had the chance to do a volunteer project and leverage resources for an agency, they would be at the top of my list. (15 years in the industry, and my list is pretty short.) I believe in non-profit effectiveness and making a difference in the lives of people .... and CHN has been doing both with incremental growth and success, with excellent leadership and a full understanding of impact. No, I'm not their publicist or an employee, but I have had the chance to work with the agency. Outside of our church donations, they receive the largest amount of support from my personal dollars in 2007. That says a lot right there - given private tuition for 3!

Community Housing Network has a team of diverse and committed staff members dedicated to doing their jobs really well with programs that work. When something doesn't work, they evaluate it and they change it - a key to success in any area.

Originally funded by larger grants and contracts, they have created a fundraising strategy that works to include everyday people. This transition is key to the growth of non-profit agencies who intend on lasting longer than any cyclical funding trends. They understand intentional progress over perfection.

Real lives are changed in their fight to end homelessness; as they provide quality affordable housing alternatives and opportunities for people to meet key needs for family stability. Their staff is reflective of the people they serve, and leadership actually cares about the office culture and the direction of staff growth. I have often said, if I must go back to work full time for someone other than myself, I should move back to Michigan. They are an agency I'd love to be affiliated with.

At some point, I thought I'd rant about the Big Give being too idealistic and simplistic. That isn't quite fair unless you look at the power of possibilities when a show focusing on something other than the lowest human denominators attracts such a wide viewing audience. I decided (for all of my 15 regular visitors) that I would devote my energy to what the Big Give can do. It has the ability to launch a conversation and action on behalf of groups and people who are deserving of a hand up. If you are wondering what you could do - SEND A CHECK TO COMMUNITY HOUSING NETWORK IN TROY, MICHIGAN.

If you want to launch a team driven exercise for raising additional dollars for a deserving group, let me sign up. If there was seed money, a time crunch and a t.v. camera - I'd be championing what I know for sure - really good people still do really good work, most often without the media or big corporate donations ever coming close to the power of individual support. (One $25 donation at a time.)

Financial contributions can be made in several ways:

• Mail a check made payable to Community Housing Network to:
  570 Kirts Blvd., Suite 231, Troy, MI 48084.
• Make a credit card donation by telephone by calling 248-928-0111. Ask for the Accounting Department. CHN accepts VISA, MasterCard, American Express, and Discover cards.
• Visit the CHN website.
  
• GIVE BIG.
  

Wealth in Higher Ed

Walter Kimborough shares his views about philanthropy in higher education in a thought provoking article, The Perpetuation of Privilege. I read with great interest the debate about a $400 million pledge by Columbia University alumnus John W. Kluge. At the heart of the conversation was the key question, what is philanthropy anyway - and does a gift to a wealthy institution really serve the potential of education regardless of wealth or family income.

While I applaud such a tremendous gift as a life long student of philanthropy, I understand Kimborough's feedback about true ways to impact the education of those who aspire to academic excellence. Columbia University's enrollment does not serve as a poster child for an institution seeking to broaden its base of underprivileged students. Likewise, it is his money.

I look forward to the day when I can blog about my own decision to make a gift of historic significance to an institution which will be both strategic, intentional, and more likely than not - a surprise to my undergraduate stomping ground. (When they don't receive it.) I'll pick someplace that not only recruits, but works to retain the quality students that make up their breeding ground for academic and often more lasting, life lessons.

Hilton

People complain about Paris. They talk about the attention, the "story", she is on t.v. 24/7, her money, her clothes, family wealth - all of this. Photographers camp out for the money shot and the headlines are unending. Meanwhile, we say shame on Paris.

Shame on us. For reading the articles, buying the magazines, watching her pathetic behavior on t.v., tuning into news we know is not news at all, because we make it possible. What would be the result if people with untold wealth tuned into real life. Oh the possibilities if she used her power for good not evil.

If her drunken stupor resulted in the loss of life for any one of us, maybe our fascination with her would be over. Shame on me too, for even writing about it.