To Whom Much is Given....Kwame Kilpatrick and Promise Unfulfilled

Promise, Potential and Problems 

But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. - Luke 12:48

THE CONNECTION
I lived in and around the metro-Detroit community for nearly 10 years.  I can't think of our lives or our children without thinking about the time we spent making the drive up and down I-75.  As a Buckeye by nature, Michigan was an escape, an exploration ground, a place for growing.

I took the verdict in the Kwame Kilpatrick case more personally than many people I know.  I think I took it harder than I anticipated.  I would enter a conversation about the sad state of affairs that currently exists, and some would respond with a wide  brush of  "what he deserved", "the death of Detroit" and other general replies that just didn't capture what I was feeling.  I consider the verdict more than an overdue punishment, I think of  it as a tremendous loss.

I can't say I ever admired Kwame, but I did believe that he had potential.  The longer I lived in Detroit, the more I learned about the challenges of getting things done, the less I understood about his purpose, plan or potential.  It made me sad at the time, but eventually we left.  We are not native Detroiters, we moved first out of the city, then out of the state.  We cared deeply and gave back in more ways that I can count, but it wasn't home and it wasn't moving in the direction where we could raise our family and thrive.  We felt that we had to make a different choice.

THE CHOICES
I think about the choices that Kwame made and I have worked to learn more about him since we left.  Even before learning about his academic and sports achievements and the promise he held in the eyes of those around him, I thought of him as a future leader of my generation.  I thought that our kids are of similar ages, and I thought about the fact that he is someone's child.  I decided to write, not about his choices or the sad spiral of a legacy that now exists - but about the loss of potential.  How is it possible that someone with raw talent, ability and acumen can fall so far?

I believe in a God of grace and a God of second chances, and a God of consequences.  I thank God for his grace, and the third, fourth and fifth chances I get everyday.  I also know how painful the consequences can be, and how learning lessons over and over again may not resonate until you have grown to understand why you keep repeating a set of behaviors.  I have had public success and public failure - but never on the scale of Kwame Kilpatrick.  I remember a cabinet appointment he once made, and I thought that I would have fulfilled the role well - but I wasn't "in" the crowd, or connected in that way.  I now thank God for that too.  Understanding the tremendous price the City of Detroit and the many dedicated people who love the city have paid, I wonder now about the people that surrounded him, his family, his colleagues, his cabinet and his life.  What is the obligation to speak up, speak out and speak loudly, when you see someone running away from their purpose? What do we do in our everyday lives to redirect and reclaim the potential around us?

MY REFLECTION
As a mother of boys, my heart goes out - not to Kwame - but to the countless families who have their personal failures experienced in a public forum.  To whom much is given, much is required.  I delight in the potential of my boys, ages 9 and 10, and I wonder about their future.  Today my 9 year old asked me where he should go to college - our ride to school was filled with conversations about what he aspires to do, and what we can do to support his aspirations.  Mothers across the country have this conversation every day.  They squeal with delight at a perfect presentation score, mourn a lack of productivity lost to play station or a tablet, invest in athletic programs, raise up a child "in the way that he should go" and pray for safety, health and wisdom.  Under that abundance of passion and promise - there must be a purpose, a plan and a set of values that guide both the "how" and the "what" we do.

The lessons from this tale of morality run deep - for parents and children alike.  What do we do when we see promise and potential in abundance - what lessons do we teach and what systems to be build - so that his story is not the story that gets told over and over again.  There are so many young men who have the potential to impact, likely change, the world.  The true teaching, training and impact starts with building their character and their core.  I was reminded as I read countless articles about the verdict, that the responsibility starts at home.  If you learn to value the prize at the end of the journey, before you understand the importance of the journey, we lose much more than one person.  We have the potential to lose whole generations.  I have been reflective for the past few weeks about what I need to teach, what I need to do, how often I should pray....so that the next cautionary tale doesn't hit closer to home.  We can do better if we learn something from this.  I believe we must.

Things to be Thankful for

You learn a lot about yourself during a holiday. Things that you may have envisioned in your mind as a child become more than wishful thinking when you play them out as an adult. Thanksgiving is by far one of my favorite holidays. In addition to good food, you get the benefit of a fall landscape and a common purpose to be "thankful." It shouldn't take a holiday to remind you of what you should be thankful for...but life is busy and hectic and it isn't bad to remember just what you have been blessed with.

Thus my post for the night - things to be thankful for in 2007.

1. The ability to celebrate thanksgiving in a home. I was reminded about the small things that I appreciate when my daughter decided to help out on Wednesday with the cleaning. We have entire rooms without some furniture and she was elated to dust and windex the small fixtures to perfection. When I thought about it - we were thrilled to be cleaning our home as simple as that is.

2. Three year old assistance.
Cutting veggies in the chopper, stirring ingredients, running through the kitchen with reckless abandon, just gotta love that. I watched him put cloves in the ham, hang pineapple rings, poured honey and sprinkled brown sugar.

3. Good food. It took me into adulthood to realize how many people can't cook. My grandmother used to orchestrate a tremendous learning lesson on a daily basis, followed by my mothers flair for trying something new. Together, I have developed my own style, old faithfuls and children who ooooh and aaaaah over mommy's cooking. You gotta love that.

4. 3 children. I have contemplated having more children, and I remember when I had pretty much settled into parenting 2. I can't imagine my life without this current mix and I'm thankful to have them.

5. IMPERFECTION! My daughter noticed a magazine at a recent checkout where they highlighted the imperfections of the stars on the cover. My daughter is 8 and we talked about the fact that no one is perfect -and that is why Jesus' love is so important. There would have been no way that our actions, deeds or "goodness" would have ever been enough to erase our sin. Thank you God!

6. New Chances. As I drift off I am reminded that every day we start over, with an opportunity to start new. The end of the night I was pretty cranky and I think I was just very tired. Tomorrow I'll have more rest and a new day.

7. My husband. He was very helpful picking up the dishes and straightening up for most of the day. He has a tendency to get lost in technology land, and although he did do that - he helped in the kitchen and around the house, too. (I won't even mention the volumes of laundry I can see from my bed right now... my kitchen is mostly clean.)

8. Leftovers. Ummm - turkey, macaroni and cheese, yummy!

9. Friendships. The family you create from the people placed into your life.

10. Reminders to be thankful. It shouldn't take a holiday to remind us, but I'm glad we've got something that makes us say - hey, gratitude please!

Building Family

For the second time in our lives we are building family. We were born into good families, but careers have led us to cities that were away from immediate support systems. No one loves you like family, at least that is what I think until reality hits me. I've got more than one family. There is the family you are born into and the one you create.

Our Michigan family came to visit us and we all acted a little like the children. We squealed with glee at the prospect of basically a 36 hour visit - it had been too many months since true quality time. Well, true to real life, nothing quite went as planned. Folks who share a love for our god and our children (but not a stitch of DNA) got on the road at dark thirty to drive 6 hours to see us. Later we found out that work demands and life in general meant that Mr. D had so little sleep that he actually should have been tucked in bed - not on his way to see a 3, 5 and 7 year old. (Hey, we may be a bonus but we know we are not the main attraction.) Yet, he and our Ms. Eva came to give hugs, talk in run-on sentences, squeal and chat, update and hug some more.

Colin Powell (featured on a Starbucks cup) said that all children need a laptop - the lap of an adult that loves them for teaching life lessons, clarity about right and wrong, hugs and a safe place to land. I'd like to believe that we are really good parents - but we've got a really deep bench. Like the Detroit Pistons, its nice to cheer for the starting line-up, but you know if you are getting a win the whole team has to show up and show out. Our support team shows up and shows out.

Case and point - a friend came over recently and my kids would not allow me to have an adult conversation. They were as excited to see Ms. Mary as I was, and they count her as one of their friends. Her attention reassures them that all is right in the world.

Over the last month transition and schedules have been a doozie. Auntie Angie has been here soo much that I was wishing we had a 5th bedroom. Now I doubt she'd want to stay in it - but hey, can't blame a mom for trying. The working mom debate is overrated - I've lived every part of the debate. As a self-employed business owner, there are times I just need a guaranteed hug giver when I'm not there. It isn't often, I do the best that I can, but hey - I'm heartened when the face isn't mine at the bus stop - its a face that loves them to their core. Every mother needs a friend that isn't married and doesn't have kids for real. I know she's trying to change that but we have to watch our prayer life to make sure we are praying for her hearts desire and not our own. (The perfect job in some other state is really overrated, too.)

One example leads to another, and another, and still another. I'll keep writing about them because the stories are endless.

The impact of these relationships is clear. The impact of a seasoned married couple has so many lessons and advantages to offer I barely know what to write. We've got the platinum family plan. Sometimes I think I'm spoiled, even greedy. At a time when they could be oblivious to anything but the pending birth of grandchild #1 - they are still making our lives richer and more blessed. From swinging in the back yard to back to school shopping for three - our children know they are loved by the family they have, and the family we've made. I'm so thankful for them.

We're in a new church, we have new neighbors and we are busy. Very busy. Maybe the greatest gift for us isn't all the people who love us, but the desire to minister to other lives and the hope that one day we'll be seen as the family for others who don't share our DNA, but wallow in our imperfect love.

Got Milk? Got Family. Thank God, we've got family!

The Blues

On vacation we were at the hotel restaurant having breakfast when the lights went out. The local thunderstorm created 5 or 6 brown outs, and we ended breakfast by candle light. I actually enjoyed the experience. My children were weirded out. Their comfort came from daddy's answers about the experience. They felt safe because of him.

When I think about blues, there are parts of my childhood that ring with a bit of disappointment. I was saddened by the stereotypes of being a product of a single parent home, made worse by having my father be an attractive teacher and coach within the same local community. This isn't a father bash post - it isn't even about my childhood.

The blues that are my favorite photos are shots of (or taken by) my husband with our kids. Whether its a blue business shirt, a family reunion shirt or the water of the zoo in the background - the most important thing for me is that my children have a family unit that is just plain normal. Not storybook beautiful, just normal.

They have a father that loves them and shows it in his everyday actions. We both had challenges in role models for father figures but we are living our version of the American Dream in so many ways. We have struggles, I have a potty mouth, I can even be prone to seeing the glass as half full. I think that fact that I recognize that is half the battle as I see that God is capable of extending grace and mercy, even when we know not what we are doing.

No blues here. (Well, in the pictures.) But in general - my children will not know the pain of parental distance and adult choices. We surely will give them much fuel for therapy, just not based on our efforts to establish a family unit they can rely on. I am in awe of single moma's, I think about my childhood and youth - and my husband's too, and I know that our mothers both aspired to give us all that their hearts could hold. I am so thankful.

I am most grateful that my children find travel, vacation, hanging out, day trips, school, bed time, dinner time, grocery shopping, etc. very mundane with their very normal family. There is something great about creating the future you want for your own children, based on the dreams you had as a child.

Baby Blue. Periwinkle. Navy. Royal. Crayola. Doesn't matter to me. I just like seeing those kiddo's and dad.

If you want to see the power of pictures or a different take on the blues, collaborate with the ladies at Crazy Hip Blog Mamas. If you want to see a cool picture with the zoo in full glory, be my guest. (As I sing Beauty & the Beast in my head....)

The Birthday Card

I used to believe in the power of Birthday's....but now I believe in the power of every day. ~ A. A. Laramore

There was a season in life where I believed that birthday's were powerful. I thought they should be celebrated, embraced and everyone around you could influence the power of that magic day. A day to embrace all that is uniquely you. I believe that for other people nowadays, not so much for myself.

I send birthday cards - often late, I let people know they are special, I search for pictures or personal items that will make them think about our connection, or sometimes, I just search for that perfect card that says it all. I can spend endless hours in Hallmark (sometimes even Walmart or Krogers) trying to find the perfect sentiment. In my reflective moods I write letters, make cards and do some scrapbook something or another. I just think that getting older I've decided - one day a year means very little in the overall scheme of things.

People should know that you care about them all throughout the year - not just one day. I have at times had a very strained relationship with my father - and he is maybe the most prompt person regarding cards for my birthday. I get cards just about every year, as an adult, and during his "feeling more connected" seasons - he'd send a book, a check or something along those lines. I rarely used the money for myself but I do note the money goes away when he's not feeling particularly happy with something I said or did. It goes that way this year. He wrote on the card additional language and inscriptions that weren't there - and I smiled a bit when I got it. I don't believe it, but I still smiled. I also get a card from his sister, my aunt, and it arrives on time too. Funny how some things which should make you smile with glee can do the opposite. Sometimes what happens on one day a year is a reminder of what may not happen 364 days a year. No statistics needed here.

I got a birthday card from a friend who has at times been my dearest confidante and upon occassion just a flake. I love her dearly. After a few episodes of miscommunication I thought our relationship might be forever lost. She mattered enough to try again, and I'm so glad I did. When her card arrived I didn't even read the card part - she had written a 2 page letter that made my heart sing. We have a lot in common - and many differences as well. The one thing that we have always shared is the love of snail mail. I was more excited to see her handwriting than anything else in my mail box, and her card was more about the possibility of relationships than the limits of one day a year. I was so glad I read it last.

Birthday's aren't completely lost on me. My children are my biggest joy in that arena. I have had rocket birthday's, ballet and princess fanfare, a ladybug luncheon, and a sports party that was out of this world. At every turn I was tickled by the squeals of glee - some were elaborate, others not more than a cake and time with family and friends. We've done superheroes, 1 buddy at the science center, but all of that means very little in the bigger scheme of life - it is one day. The true celebration of life is in the living of it each day. When I think about that, my children will always know the importance of celebrating each other - but it won't be tied to 1 anything. This smile could carry me for another year.

We celebrate the love of each other in the big and the small, in peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, in big dates out, in Superbowl celebrations with a small screen t.v. I am blessed that my children won't define their relationship with me based on the nuiances of a card. They will a lifetime of memories, a boat load of hugs and kisses, fancy expressions and many casual days - to know that birthday's are more than cards. Birthday's are for the living, and marked by opportunity to remember, give thanks, and celebrate with those that truly love you - which sometimes means no real "celebration" at all. Unless dinner with the kids and the husband (I'm thinking turkey hotdogs), a good cup of coffee (Folger's Hazelnut sounds like it will hit the spot) and a lifetime of reflecting on those that truly love you is a celebration to anyone else. Happy Birthday to me, a whole day early.