Three Ohio Victims - the Steubenville Lesson

There are three victims in the Steubenville rape case, not just 1.  We examine the lives of misguided youth through a lens that says the boys in this case were wrong.  The victim has been a topic on blogs, twitter and social media - but a quick scan of articles referenced the inappropriate efforts of attorneys to reference her drinking, her choices, her feedback that she did not remember how she ended up in the situation that led to national attention.  I am a mother of three children.  I have a daughter and two sons.  There are three victims in the Steubenville rape case, not just 1.

I am a Buckeye by birth and by heart.  I understand the culture in Northwest Ohio, and I pay attention when Toledo jokes, Defiance voter scandals and Holy Toledo references make mainstream media.  I have long since stopped defending all of the things I love about Ohio - UT College of Business and Innovation, the Toledo Museum of Art, the zoo - as if there is only 1 zoo in the world, Denison, SUA - to name a few.  I explain Tony Packo's, MASH, Jamie Farr, MudHens and a host of other Ohio cultural phenomenons with ease.  I wasn't such a football fan growing up, but I was a Friday Night Lights addict and I have come to cherish sports in unhealthy ways.  In this case, I think Ohio and the "football culture in Steubenville" are far from the issues at hand.

In an earlier post, I shared my feelings about promise unfulfilled and my angst about the verdict in the Kwame Kilpatrick case.  I thought about the decades before his rise to notariety, the infamous details of his life and failures placed on a national stage.  We read about prison terms, the label of being a juvenille sex offender, and the loss of promise and potential with a casual ease that is as disturbing as the crimes that were committed.  I do indeed believe crimes were in abundance for the Steubenville case - committed both by the teens and the adults surrounding them. 

My coverage of the case would have read something like this: 

1. Minors with access to drugs and alcohol make really stupid choices. 

2. Unsupervised teens without a moral compass or value base, or good judgement, make poor choices. 

3. Amidst a bad situation, technology used as a tool to create further harm for Ohio teen. 

4. Violation of basic decency leads to life lessons for youth and parents. 

Instead, I have read that the 16 and 17 year old boys are men who knew better.  The female has been identified as a victim, a girl, youth and young lady - with careful attention to scold the awful ways that she was described by her peers and upset parents. 

No, sport hero, athlete or young man should be exempt from the consequences of their actions based on their potential.  Nor should a 16 or 17 year old young man, teenager, youth - lose the potential of their future, their promise or their contribution to society - based on decisions made at this age.  I am grieved by the situation on so many levels.  I am grieved because of our societal reaction and the outrage of the community, where it has been convenient to take sides but unpopular to recount all of the facts that exist in the case.  I wasn't there.  As much as I love Ohio, I think this situation is one that is played out in beloved communities everywhere.  I think we are quick to judge and quick to place labels, but slow to offer solutions for the culture that we have created.  There are three victims in this case I believe.  Two boys who have been forever changed by their bad choices, and 1 young girl who will live with the impact of her choices for a lifetime. 

As a mother of boys and a girl, I grieve the entire situation.  They collectively deserve a better foundation and a stronger start to life.  Add the quick nature of technology, social media and 24 hour news coverage - and you have an even bigger problem.  I'm ready for the discussions that recognize we need a solution to the violence perpetrated against children and teens, and the thoughtful exchange about the challenge of raising moral youth in an immoral society.  The buck stops here, but I pray to God I never have to read about the failures of my children in blog columns that pick sides without at least an attempt, to propose true solutions.  

What do you think? 

A Mother's Quandry - Genarlow Wilson & The Motherhood Challenge

Genarlow Wilson is a young man, who at age 17 admitted to having sex at a New Year's party with 2 teen girls. The amount of alcohol and marijuana cloud the distinction of what was consensual - both acts were caught on tape. My heart goes out to all the families, including the girls who freely entered those rooms with little thought about the consequences.

As a result of the video tape, Genarlow was found not guilty of the rape charges. However, that tape also showed oral sex with a minor girl, later resulting in his conviction for aggravated child molestation. He is now serving a 10 year sentence, and the Georgia state laws that mandated his sentence have been changed to make what he did a misdemeanor. The reality remains that even the newly changed laws are not designed to be retroactive, and thus his future remains unclear.

Today there is a lot of discussion about the Judge's decision to end his 10 year sentence with time served. You should go to Wilson Appeal web site to learn more about the details - but there is additional information surfacing that his release is being fought. The Attorney General of Georgia has filed an appeal and is challenging the judges decision - keeping the 21 year old in jail for the time being.

Many of the sites and blogs that I read have narrowed this discussion to one about an African-American 17 year old male (at the time of the incident), having consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl. He refused to take a plea based on his belief that this was all consensual - and the plea would require him to be registered as a sex offender, eliminating any possibility for living with his younger sister in the future. I decided to weigh in on the issue for much different reasons.

Prior to this young man going out that night, his single mother told him not to do anything that would jeapordize his future. She told him, like many moma's do, to use his head while he was out and to be back by curfew. He was a honors student, award winning athlete and homecoming king. I wonder what else a mother is called to do? As parents we try to teach our children right from wrong - and this applies not only to young males, but to the young girls who were drinking in a hotel room with a dozen guys, with overnight bags. In the end, however, our children make choices.

We are called to teach, guide and direct our children. Many of us pray for our children and nurture them in an upbringing that we believe will be the best for them. We endeavor to do all that we can to protect them, keep them safe and secure - but we are not all knowing. We are not with our children 24 hours of every day. We do all that we can, just like our parents and grandparents before us. The challenge here for me is to distinguish criminal behavior from the mistakes of youth.

Having a decent GPA and athletic prowess does not in and of itself make a child a "good kid." What does? Many who have commented on this case have drawn distinctions on ethnic, economic and moral lines - but I believe they are all interconnected. The break down of what we define as acceptable behavior is evidenced in every day society. Recent Indiana coverage about girls being raped at bus stops before and after school has become sadly common place. We are slowly losing our sensitivity to reality of our society.

These children were drinking, staying out all night in some cases at a motel, smoking marijuana, engaging in group/public sexual activity, and being downright foolish. The presence of a video camera accents the lack of intelligence in the room - there was no moral filter for just how wrong this was. Yet, they were children, making the mistakes that many children make. I'm not blogging about presidential behavior - although clearly there should be a link between what we glorify on television, in music, throughout politics and in the world - vs. what we want children to do. We popularize bad behavior and then we are surprised when it becomes the way of the world. I, however, don't believe that this young man should spend 10 years in jail for his bad choices. I believe we have a clear miscarriage of justice.

The facts of the case are pretty clear - he broke the law that was on the books, oral sex with a minor. When does good sense combine with justice to ensure that laws not only exist - but serve our society well?

I can't help but believe we would all be better served taking more time, care and attention raising our children - and building a society that teaches them lessons that are appropriate to their mistakes, without forever altering any potential they have of serving our world in the best possible way. Our government leaders engage in the same activities and barely get a slap on the hand. I can't help but know in my spirit something is painfully wrong with the Attorney General in Georgia - but the thought that this could happen to you, your son, your cousin, your neighbor - ought make us all more engaged, active and responsive to the decision and systems that impact our lives.

A good place to start - more knee mail for us all.