To Whom Much is Given....Kwame Kilpatrick and Promise Unfulfilled

Promise, Potential and Problems 

But someone who does not know, and then does something wrong, will be punished only lightly. When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required. - Luke 12:48

THE CONNECTION
I lived in and around the metro-Detroit community for nearly 10 years.  I can't think of our lives or our children without thinking about the time we spent making the drive up and down I-75.  As a Buckeye by nature, Michigan was an escape, an exploration ground, a place for growing.

I took the verdict in the Kwame Kilpatrick case more personally than many people I know.  I think I took it harder than I anticipated.  I would enter a conversation about the sad state of affairs that currently exists, and some would respond with a wide  brush of  "what he deserved", "the death of Detroit" and other general replies that just didn't capture what I was feeling.  I consider the verdict more than an overdue punishment, I think of  it as a tremendous loss.

I can't say I ever admired Kwame, but I did believe that he had potential.  The longer I lived in Detroit, the more I learned about the challenges of getting things done, the less I understood about his purpose, plan or potential.  It made me sad at the time, but eventually we left.  We are not native Detroiters, we moved first out of the city, then out of the state.  We cared deeply and gave back in more ways that I can count, but it wasn't home and it wasn't moving in the direction where we could raise our family and thrive.  We felt that we had to make a different choice.

THE CHOICES
I think about the choices that Kwame made and I have worked to learn more about him since we left.  Even before learning about his academic and sports achievements and the promise he held in the eyes of those around him, I thought of him as a future leader of my generation.  I thought that our kids are of similar ages, and I thought about the fact that he is someone's child.  I decided to write, not about his choices or the sad spiral of a legacy that now exists - but about the loss of potential.  How is it possible that someone with raw talent, ability and acumen can fall so far?

I believe in a God of grace and a God of second chances, and a God of consequences.  I thank God for his grace, and the third, fourth and fifth chances I get everyday.  I also know how painful the consequences can be, and how learning lessons over and over again may not resonate until you have grown to understand why you keep repeating a set of behaviors.  I have had public success and public failure - but never on the scale of Kwame Kilpatrick.  I remember a cabinet appointment he once made, and I thought that I would have fulfilled the role well - but I wasn't "in" the crowd, or connected in that way.  I now thank God for that too.  Understanding the tremendous price the City of Detroit and the many dedicated people who love the city have paid, I wonder now about the people that surrounded him, his family, his colleagues, his cabinet and his life.  What is the obligation to speak up, speak out and speak loudly, when you see someone running away from their purpose? What do we do in our everyday lives to redirect and reclaim the potential around us?

MY REFLECTION
As a mother of boys, my heart goes out - not to Kwame - but to the countless families who have their personal failures experienced in a public forum.  To whom much is given, much is required.  I delight in the potential of my boys, ages 9 and 10, and I wonder about their future.  Today my 9 year old asked me where he should go to college - our ride to school was filled with conversations about what he aspires to do, and what we can do to support his aspirations.  Mothers across the country have this conversation every day.  They squeal with delight at a perfect presentation score, mourn a lack of productivity lost to play station or a tablet, invest in athletic programs, raise up a child "in the way that he should go" and pray for safety, health and wisdom.  Under that abundance of passion and promise - there must be a purpose, a plan and a set of values that guide both the "how" and the "what" we do.

The lessons from this tale of morality run deep - for parents and children alike.  What do we do when we see promise and potential in abundance - what lessons do we teach and what systems to be build - so that his story is not the story that gets told over and over again.  There are so many young men who have the potential to impact, likely change, the world.  The true teaching, training and impact starts with building their character and their core.  I was reminded as I read countless articles about the verdict, that the responsibility starts at home.  If you learn to value the prize at the end of the journey, before you understand the importance of the journey, we lose much more than one person.  We have the potential to lose whole generations.  I have been reflective for the past few weeks about what I need to teach, what I need to do, how often I should pray....so that the next cautionary tale doesn't hit closer to home.  We can do better if we learn something from this.  I believe we must.

Friendship Reflections - Part II

I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self-indulgent.  
Caring for myself is an act of survival.  
- Audre Lorde 

Adult friendship is a part of my survival.  I thank God for the women who love me fully, and know me fully, too.  I don't always make the mark - I often fall short of who I aspire to be in this regard.  Today, however, I'm reminded about the blessings of true friendship.  Those people who help you remember who you are... 

I had an experience early in my relocation that led me to write Friendship Reflections  that knocked my foundation, and my understanding about adult friendships, a bit. I asked a friend to do me a favor that I assumed was no big deal.  I was living in Indiana, my life was still oriented in Michigan - and I was in store for a major life lesson. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.  It's a Maya Angelou quote I've shared often, but I can't say I've gotten that much better at heading the warning that is inherent. 

When you are in need of a friend, life situations are a Big Deal.  All of those years ago, my foundation was turned on its ear because my vision of friendship has been clear since I declared Alisha my Wonder Woman Sister at age 5.  As an adult woman I cherish those relationships and cherish the life lessons too.  To everything there is a season, and when the warning signs are all around, we have to learn to listen. I often talk to my teenage daughter about friendship.  She read a recent exchange that I had with someone, then offered, "Wow mom, she's not that nice to you." She didn't know the whole story, but she was smart enough to examine the situation.  We can learn a lot from the young women we are raising.
 
My original post lamented, the only person to examine in a friendship looks back at you every morning. I'd like to see that inscribed on a necklace somewhere or made into a Pandora charm. I was speaking wisdom and I didn't even realize the extent.  When this past week had me reflecting on my countless blessings, and the sadness of disappointment in people, I was reminded of the original post.  One reason to blog is because it helps you keep a running perspective of your own life.  Maybe you are able to help someone else along the way.

Everyone should have a friend that makes them want to be better.  Everyone should have a friend that inspires them to be more thoughtful, more proactive, more creative, more innovative, more patient.... MORE.  Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another."  I am in the process of being sharpened.  Every person should have a friend that not only makes them want to be more, but someone who makes them stop long enough to recognize, they are ENOUGH, too.  Jesus told Mary's haters, "She did what she could."  I'm learning to be okay with my legacy during various seasons being that "I did what I could."

As an adult woman, I have had people share with me, "We're going to be friends." I laughed.  I thought it odd someone could make that announcement without my consent.  I have now learned, listen more - talk less.  I have had the blessing of persistent inquiry create relationships that I could not live without - a caution that I should be more patient in realizing that I do not understand every aspect of my journey.  Sometimes God sends you what you never knew you needed, but you always wanted. 

What if adult women...

1. Cheered for Each Other.

2. Judged less, but HELPED more. 

3. Said Thank YOU. 

4. Said I'm Sorry, and meant it. 

5. Forgave.

6. Worked to be the FRIEND that they find that they need.  

I imagine you have some Friendship Reflections of your own.  Today I celebrate these reflections - big and small.  I also pray for my circle of friends - those who I talk to every day, and those who have helped me grow along the way.  I'm better for the experiences that I've had.  I'm learning, just live long enough - life is a work in progress.  What have you learned about friendship along the way?