Seeking Joy

The 6:30 a.m. prayer call required boldness in God today.  I was feeling anything but bold.  It should have come as no surprise that on the day that I was feeling anything but bold, fierce or phenomenal I heard by name called to pray.  This was an opportunity to walk in faith and a reminder that it isn't about how you feel at any given moment.  I thought I had pretty much walked away from writing, journaling, aspiring, seeking....I just started walking away, a trail of resignations in my path. 

I don't believe in having a mid-life crisis, I don't believe in speaking those things into existence.  With that being said, there is something going on.  So I look at a poem my father sent to me that screams at me daily, "Do It Now" by Stephen Grellet.  I wonder to myself, do what.  My commitment to blogging and journaling this time around is in pursuit of figuring out what now.

A proud mother of three incredible kidlets, my life has been largely defined by raising wonderful people.  Somewhere in that process I lost a bit too much of myself and started realizing that the pursuit of joy was a lost art.  I received a text from a friend recently that said, what have you done today to find joy?  My response was, nothing.  I have done nothing to find joy recently.  I'd like to change that today.

Wherever you are in your journey, no matter what road you are traveling, I'm wondering how are you finding and defining joy.  At this season of life I have gotten a bit too lost in the activities, actions and motions of life, without paying great attention to the overarching themes that matter.  I have gotten a bit lost and writing has typically helped me to find my way back home.  Today, I have made the decision to do it now, although I'm not sure what IT is.  I'm going to write more.  I'm going to whine less. I'm going to work on centering myself to find and seek joy.

Early in life I said that I wished that people had been more honest, more transparent and more committed to telling the truth about life.  Life is hard.  I had a mother who told me life was not fair and then encouraged, "the sooner you learn it the better you will be."  I have by many accounts a wonderful, blessed life, that has been filled with favor and guarded by the prayers of generations of women that have come before me.  As a realist, however, I recognize that somewhere in the journey I have lost my way a bit. Have you ever lost your way?  Have you ever experienced dancing so fast you lose the soundtrack of your life?  That is where this entry finds me today. 

A lover of arts, wine, music, writing, words, children and personal connection....walk with me a bit as I reignite my personal efforts to move beyond being, A Work In Progress.  You might say aren't we all a work in progress?  Maybe.  I just think there is more joy to be found, more work to be done and more reflection to live this life that I've been given to the fullest.  I'm on a quest to remember what I love, explore new things, look forward more often than I look back, and leave my past firmly in the past.  I'm seeking joy...before it is simply too late to find it.  Join me.  I'd love to have company on my journey.

Love Languages and Road Trips

This is the second time in the past few weeks where Moody Radio completely messed up my planned train of thought.  I was leaving lunch with a colleague when I turned to the middle of a program that talked about No More Nice Girls, in a Christian context.  A week earlier it was the 5 Love Languages by Dr. Chapman that set my kids on a dialogue that my love language was the hardest (Acts of Service!), but I digress.  As the announcer and guest went on to discuss the ever winding road of relationships, the analogy of driving became a recurring theme.  I know I need to say no, I have been saying no, I'm in a no season I thought to myself.  Have you ever been in a NO season.  It can be slightly overrated.  I haven't found fulfillment, contentment or excessive amounts of rest, yet.

The radio voices continued "Who is in your passengers seat, who are the back seat drivers, are there people you need to put out the car, life is a journey.... " all references that are fairly common when you think about the various twists and turns of life as a woman of God.  I would continue my hiatus from writing if I hadn't witnessed a scary car crash this morning on my way downtown that made the images of this "life journey" more vivid.  Images from earlier today haunted me as I remembered the truck that hit the guard rail, heard the sounds of shattered glass throughout the traffic lanes, and the angst that filled my heart on what seemed like a commute that would never end.  It isn't just the journey, or the drive - timing is everything.   As Christian women, timing really is everything.

Last Saturday I gave a message about Mary of Bethany, after planning a presentation about Martha in my mind for years.  I always thought that Martha had never received credit for her hospitality and role amongst Jesus' friends, but the Bible study taught me more than I likely taught anyone else.  In 5 words Jesus validated Mary's live, "she did what she could."  After years of feeling, being and living a life in pursuit of Martha's standards...I'm recognizing just how difficult it is to be driving the car on this journey, and feel very alone.  I have a group of amazing women around me and many have distinguished themselves as "ride or die" chicks, a term that has grown to warm my heart.  As I think about Thelma and Louise, my early life was filled with a desire to have that BFF relationship that books, movies and stories highlight as a life legacy.  My later years are filled with a desire to "be that BFF" vs. to have that BFF relationship.  As the guest on the show described, everyone should have those Godly women then look up to, the ones that are rock solid in their faith, the ones that are the friends to have and aspire to be more like.  Today, that message encouraged my heart in this NO season.   I'm driving dear God, but I am not there.

In transparency, trying to become more like God has been difficult.  (In the midst of writing this post I received an email from the worst teacher we have ever experienced and my patience was again tested.  To know that she has a teaching license still saddens me.  Know Justice, No Peace.) Being more like God requires action.

The idea that I will become the woman that He would have me to be has proven a much greater task than I previously thought.  In the busy nature of life, I thought I had things in moderate order.  One persons order is another persons chaos.  Or as life would have it, what I used to believe was order has given way to a new perspective.  I want to be "that woman of God." That set a part, that Word filled, that above the chaos kind of woman - I guess, more like Mary.  Mary was clear about her purpose, she wasn't afraid to go against the grain, she had loving relationships but was not defined by them, and she was a risk taker.  The concept of a years' salary on a prized possession being used to bless Jesus' feet is pretty daring.  The succinct validation Jesus offered, "..she did what she could" silenced the greatest of critics during a difficult season.  Oh, to be defined in such a way as to have the person that matters most simply say, she did what she could.

The No More Christian Nice Girl, Jennifer Degler conversation series, was a reminder today to be an intentional woman.  The type of woman who has made a difference in your life, or the woman you wish you had at various seasons of your life.  In any case, there is someone out there that needs the Mary in you, today.  The focused, praying, attentive, listening, self-sacrificing Mary....the one you want on your journey and who knows your love languages well.    The one who isn't afraid to ride alongside you, get out the car when necessary, give directions from a remote location, or as in the season I find myself, the one who isn't afraid to let you drive solo for a bit, until you get your new bearings.  Love Languages and Road Trips, the things that make you want to write after a long rest stop. 

What encourages your heart or gives you joy along the journey, when you don't see the final destination?  Share your thoughts, there is more to come.

Encouraging One Another

This rainy Monday morning provides evidence that the seasons are changing.  We have gone from super hydration for a streak of 90+ degree weather, a child that runs cross country at extreme temperatures and the realization that we can get fatigued from doing simply life chores in extreme weather to this. (I think its age.)  This is rain, jackets, plans A/B/C for clothing and a reminder of gloomy weather days to come.  More than just the weather changing, I'm realizing that I'm changing too.  (I use the picture to remind myself, there's beauty in what I experience too.) 


India Irie has a song about the little things that at various stages of life I really thought I understood.  It reteaches me at various seasons that the little things are ever changing.  On a recent girlfriends trip I carried a small paperback book called "Encouraging One Another" and found little time to read it while I was there.  The trip was 100% fun and sun, new experiences, stretching beyond my comfort zone and a daily opportunity to encourage one of the ladies that I was traveling with, with ample opportunities for me to be encouraged as well.  When you are in an extreme situation, you don't really need a reminder about encouragement, it happens naturally.  24 hours state side and I started reading the book in detail. (It was actually less than 24 hours.)


Psalm 69:32 indicates "Be Encouraged, You Who Worship GOD." This very short verse offers clarity that on its own merit should encourage my heart, the instructions are clear.  Be encouraged, you who worship God.  I worship God, I should be encouraged.  I believe that I'm a remedial case in basic life instruction because I have a lifetime of evidence that my God is real, and an on-time God, and at my most difficult hours He has been the only encouragement that mattered or made a difference.  But there are seasons of glass half empty that I'm working to navigate better and believing that part of that requires the ability to radically impact others in a way that matters.  After all, I have 4 decades of life experience at this point, and something should be the focus of my attention other than that math equation. (The trip was self-encouragement about embracing this phase of life.)


My little devotional introduced a concept for sentimental me, a trinket to treasure in every chapter.  There are little images that symbolize the concepts that book tries to reinforce.  The first is a baseball, a reminder that our Savior is in the stands as we live life, shouting fiercely, "Atta girl, you can do it!"  Any parent who has attended a gymnastics, swim, basketball, soccer, track, cheerleading or football game weekly understands the obligations that come about.  No matter what you are feeling, you go to the stands and turn off life to turn on "supportive parent" offering encouragement with little delusion that an Olympic star is on the horizon. (Gifted scholarship recipient maybe.... but not Olympics. Yet.)  How much more does our God care for us?  He doesn't have to turn it on or fight through what might or might not happen as a result of these skills in the future.  Our God sets the standard for encouragement. I am a slow learner.


I have been discussing love languages with my children, a fascinating exploration of what ministers most to our spirit - an exercise in self-assessment, priorities and cyclical grief - not all love languages are created equal.  When you know a persons love language, you can offer encouragement in the way that matters most to the person.  My love language is acts of service and all other things come in a distant second, third or fourth place.  My return from my trip has been filled with daily trinkets and lessons, the little things, and a BIG realization that I'm not on vacation any more.  Welcome home.


May I suggest (to all 5 readers!), write a list of the little things that routinely touch your life or encourage your heart.   Create a smile file so you have something to remind you of yourself when it starts to disappear.  It can undoubtedly change the course of your day.  When you weave them together, something nearly magical happens.  You are released from your own circumstances when you remind yourself of the reasons to smile, and when you encourage someone else - regardless of your circumstances.  My little things have been in abundance over the last week and I felt inspired to share:

• I wasn't off the plane for 15 minutes, when I noticed a weeks worth of mail on my dashboard.  I was anticipating the number of people who would want something from me, bills in abundance and reminders of what I had not done in my day life.  I found, however, a beautiful card that brought tears to my eyes, as a member of my ministry wrote "we watch you and wonder in amazement - I see you." Enough said, I didn't open another thing.  Trinket - a card. 
• I have started texting my high school BFF, a practice that has brought joy to my life.  I shared a few recommendations about fairly personal products and was happy to have her report, "you done good."  From high school exchanges about mean girls to adult travel and new life choices, I was reminded of the quote " make new friends, but keep the old - one is like silver, the other is gold."  I had gold brought back into my life and have embraced more responsibility in keeping it deemed precious.  Trinket - gold. 

• Don't expect a list of sentimental hoopla and wonderful reflections on the good life.  I returned home to 5 consecutive days of ministry obligation, and I needed a sugar rush by day 4.  On a particular church anniversary night every plan for our Nursery ministry started to fall through the cracks - location, volunteers, set-up, etc.  I was solidifying my nerves when I encountered a happy praise fest that still lingers in my heart.  Surrounded by thousands of dollars of computer equipment, we created an island oasis in the corner of the room, where praises went up - and poop, and the temperature, laughter too - and my attitude went down. You simply cannot have a bad attitude and serve children well.  It helps when you are surrounded with enough love, laughter, latitude and longevity to keep it all in perspective.  I require women in my circle who have experienced more of life than the law should allow, who praise God fiercely in spite of their circumstances and who smile through the challenges of life.  Trinket - diapers.  I'm still laughing.

• At a Youth Experience I asked a group of female teenagers to describe what they could tell about me from the outside, or from what they encounter - based on their level of exposure.  Some girls had known me for 3 hours, some for nearly 3 years.  The list of items that they observed - mother, smiling, teacher, encourager, AKA, woman of God, truth teller, ministry worker..... and wife.  Every time I'm with the young people they indicate they observe me as wife.  (No pressure, right?) The trinket for this simple exercise is that of sunglasses.  No matter how cool you might aspire to be, people see you.  Right or wrong, accurate or inaccurate - they see you.  When I'm seen I want to be the full, complete, total woman of God I aspire to be.  I want to be a package to behold that is not placed into a tiny box based on one affiliation, one characteristic or one short coming.  I am indeed the many things that they shared - with a healthy dose of sarcasm, dry humor, type A personality, loner and crybaby to boot.  I am me.  Carry your sunglasses as a trinket to see clearly, in the midst of the beaming rays of Son from our Saviour - because God sees you as you really are.  And. He. Still. Loves. YOU!  

• All conversations are not created equal.  The trinket in this last lesson would be a monkey, one that could see, hear, and most importantly speak no evil.  I returned with a desire to create encouragement where I need it most - or at least where I need it more.  I have had a desire for couples fellowship that was substantive, entertaining, accountable... and in a recent conversation I shared that desire.  I left thinking that I would help to be a catalyst for an important couples fellowship, fill a need that exists in the lives of many women I know, I was just thrilled at the future success.  Two days later I had a conversation that resembled a game of grade school telephone the summarized less than one-tenth of my thoughts about the couples to, or not to include.  I had become the catalyst in a game of dominoes that seemed to topple over creating messiness along the way.  I felt both responsible and grieved all at the same time.  Once I started writing out the scriptures in the Bible that dealt with the power of the tongue and I realized that God was intentional in encouraging us to listen for wisdom, talk less.  The little monkey trinket serves as my reminder for that now - I think I'll live the marriage encouragement for those who have proven themselves something other than a nuisance.  I think I'll save that outreach until I've gotten more resolved about the essence of Encouraging One Another.  

So, my love language is acts of service.  Anyone within a 3,000 mile radius can figure that out and shhhh! (they don't even have to be in my circle to figure it out). My greatest pet peeve is messy relationships, when that ship has sailed I paddle backwards, use the paddles for firewood, chart a different course and eliminate the directions for that course - as to never cross it again.  I'm old(er) and I'd like to both learn from my lessons and believe people the first time when they show who they are.  I must admit however, I'm so thankful for those who have opted to love me in spite of myself.  They are a rescue team of sorts - they are my tea-drinking, coffee supporting, laughter inspiring, card sending, note writing, PhD pursuing, motherhood perfecting, wine sipping, God loving, marriage surviving, marriage thriving, friendship protecting - friends. (And not in that order.)  They likely don't need a book about Encouraging One Another - but they are smart enough to seek help from the sources that encourage most.  It might be a book, or The BOOK, but their intentions are always pure.  That quality is rare and I'm personally thankful for it.  They encourage me.  They hearten my spirit. They move me to push past the frailties in my life, as I aspire to be more encouraging to me, to my friends, and to others.