Across the nation, in 4th grade classrooms this year, they will have the "talk" with young girls about their development, their body and their cycle. This is known as the magical year. (Who knows how that got decided when girls are developing at warp speed.) In Christian education, this is largely a health conversation about what to expect when the time comes for "Aunt Flo" to visit. The comparable boys conversation amounts to a discussion about deodorant, bathing and the joy of toothpaste. Meanwhile, the girls are treated to conversations about hormones and emotion, being prepared for all circumstances, pads vs. tampax. Why then, can't we figure out a way to talk about abstinence? I don't mean abstinence as a choice - I mean abstinence as THE CHOICE. This is one way we can help young girls, Black girls, females in general - understand their value.
In America, half of all AIDS/HIV cases belong to someone Black, although we are only 8% of the population. In Washington, 80% of the HIV population is a Black population. (Can I say celibacy is the only option here folks.) I really can't even imagine the need to explain how very scary that statistic is - and I can manipulate numbers with the best of them. We need to be teaching the reality of sexual activity, and the necessity for abstinence. This is now a life and death matter. Call me naive, conservative, a Jesus freak, or simply call me right. Less sex = less risk of HIV/AIDs.
Earlier in my career I worked in the field of Hemophilia - a blood disorder that impacts a growing segment of our population. As a result of my work I had the opportunity to learn more about HIV and AIDS during the early days of the disease, at a time where you were labeled either homosexual or other. We, as a society, acted as if there were good and bad ways to catch this deadly disease. A decade and a half later - the largest population is now African or African-American. I watched a cousin die from the disease when no one would say what we all knew for the most part - he had died from advanced complications from AIDS. From a research, medical intervention, and attention standpoint - nobody cares about this as a leading cause of death for young African-American women under 34, or the second leading cause for African-American men under 44. If we, as African-Americans don't merit media coverage, recognition, respect or equal billing in this society (Katrina anyone? the Primary season anyone?) for everyday reasons - we surely can't wait for the greater majority to consider this a top priority. We are losing lives - and the numbers are scary. Time to actually stop talking about it and do something.
I have a friend who works in education at a swanky foundation, where she funds programs geared at increasing educational opportunities for children. With a very high teen pregnancy rate in her area, she relayed the discussion at a meeting about Safe Sex needs of the high school and investment in early childhood education and prenatal programs. People - can someone tell me why abstinence is the step child in this discussion? Don't tell me everyone is already doing it - uh, they are not. I know from personal experience that not everyone tastes the forbidden fruit before they have put on their cap and gown or wedding gown. And for those who have, they'll often share if they knew then....what they know now. No need to move full speed ahead - sex can and should wait.
My mother didn't handle the topic with a focus on our Christian beliefs - although we had them. She focused on a much more pointed issue in her mind (my selfish character and personality flaws)- "Girlfriend, you are selfish. Once you give that away, you can't get it back." The crude conversation still lingers in my mind, but, it worked for the most part. I had no interest in having a shared sexual history with the entire college campus, or some moron of non-importance. It isn't to imply that I walked on water - but I see very little focus on abstinence as the most viable choice for survival nowadays. For the sake of our current and future generations we have a lot of educating to do.
As a culture we have to get beyond our own frailties and insecurities to deal with the impact of AIDS/HIV in our community. We need to rally behind those who need us most - largely to wake up, and be accepting. We need to be openly talking about the latest numbers and statistics and see what we are doing (in our church, social groups, sororities/fraternities, peer cliques, etc.) to ensure that people get and understand the reality of this disease. I believe we have to be more dedicated to the provision of medical support, counseling and public awareness - and measure our impact for effectiveness. But most of all, as the mother of three children, I believe we have to teach abstinence. Pure and simple in my book - it is the best option to curve the numbers that astound us today.
And for all those who would tell me the value of safe sex, I agree. I just believe our children ought to understand the safest sex, and nowadays - that's frankly, none at all. While we explore how we can help, support, educate and inform - can we figure out how to fund, mandate and encourage abstinence as THE most viable option moving forward. Decreasing the rate of HIV/AIDS we can all agree with. My solution may not be sexy, but hey, we're dealing with epidemic numbers and a silence that can be deadly. Unprotected sex one time, that's all it takes. And my cliff notes for the 4th grade speech - they just doubled in size. Makes you wonder - how can we spend countless hours majoring in pop culture madness and lose sight of what is right in front of us? An issue of epidemic proportions - where are all of us going to make a difference for the sake of a generation - and those generations to come?
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Being Female, Black and Valued
I heard an interview with Carolyn Mosely Braun recently where she talked about leaving politics behind, and returning to her first love - agriculture. As I listened intently to the story, the issue of politics was of course brought up again and again. I was surprised to hear Carolyn indicate that she felt gender had been a bigger barrier than race in her own political career - as I had all but drowned out the rants of the Hillary Clinton supporters that I had heard sling mud on Barack for the entire Primary race. Yet, the more I discuss the issues with my counterparts and my peers, the greater concern I have that I have simply lost my ability to see what life should be like - vs. exactly what it is like.
As a community organizer early in my career, I learned about the power of people. That simple lesson has guided the work that I do in organizational and resource development, and has been as important as my formal education and advanced degree. So, I was struck again about the plight of being Black and Female and Valued when I learned about the case of LaVena Johnson. She was a 19 year old private in the Army, serving in Iraq, when she was raped, murdered, and her body was burned--by someone from her own military base. As my own children grow older I see how precious each day is, and I realize just how young 19 is. Although she made the commitment to serve her country and to wear the Army uniform for the United States of America- her life was certainly not valued.
Despite overwhelming physical evidence in the LaVena Johnson case, the Army called her death a suicide and has closed the case. It is becoming less and less hard for me to believe how little we value life in our country the older that I get. When I look at my 8 year old daughter and the battles that we've encountered ensuring that she realizes her value, her worth, her God given beauty and intelligence - we know that Indiana and the lack of diverse educational options are only part of what we battle. We battle the stereotypes, poor home training, intentional blinders and a society that plays favorites. While we have the opportunity to continually groom our daughter for when she leaves home, we know that she can settle in to unconditional love at the end of each day while she is with us. For the Johnson family, they sent their child to serve her country, and her country has failed her miserably.
Color of Change has done a good job using technology to mobilize people. I have been heartened that almost every time I'm contacted by the group they strike a cord in the level of grassroots action that could be taken to make a difference. There most recent request is simple:
Will you join Mr. and Mrs. Johnson in calling on Congressman Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Government Oversight Committee, to mount a real investigation into LaVena Johnson's death and the Army's cover-up2? Will you ask your friends and family to do the same? If so, take action today.
What would being female, Black and valued look like in our society?
1. Young women would see images of themselves reflected throughout our society, in vehicles other than men magazine covers, videos and neglected posters about how long they have been missing.
2. Media coverage on the nightly news and primetime news shows would be representative of the demographics of our society, or better yet representative of the issue or topic being covered.
3. Those that say they represent our community would actual do so - covering topics, issues, people and action steps that matter - without regard to their personal image, fame or wealth.
4. There would be a focused effort to mentor, motivate, groom, direct and advance the life choices for young women - and it would start by reaching beyond those who are related to us by blood.
5. The countless stories that are told about our community would speak to everyday people and everyday issues - depriving pop stars who are turning 50 or cat fights between the least of us from any news attention.
And for me, every child within our nation would be introduced to the only correct image of their value and their life, through Christ. As much as I believe in collective action and the power of people, I know that God has already clarified our individual worth. So as I go about typing about what I would like to see, I have to go back to what I truly know. We have to take on a dual responsibility - educating, informing and changing our society is second, to raising our daughters to understand their value before they encounter what this world has to offer. LaVena Johnson deserved/deserves better.
What can we do? Maybe a society that values black females would look like each and every one of us spending a fraction of the time devoted to nonsense, to helping each other reach their fullest potential. The Johnson family won't have that opportunity - but what would you want to happen if it was you? your child? your daughter? We should have the right to live, and die, in dignity. Take action today.
As a community organizer early in my career, I learned about the power of people. That simple lesson has guided the work that I do in organizational and resource development, and has been as important as my formal education and advanced degree. So, I was struck again about the plight of being Black and Female and Valued when I learned about the case of LaVena Johnson. She was a 19 year old private in the Army, serving in Iraq, when she was raped, murdered, and her body was burned--by someone from her own military base. As my own children grow older I see how precious each day is, and I realize just how young 19 is. Although she made the commitment to serve her country and to wear the Army uniform for the United States of America- her life was certainly not valued.
Despite overwhelming physical evidence in the LaVena Johnson case, the Army called her death a suicide and has closed the case. It is becoming less and less hard for me to believe how little we value life in our country the older that I get. When I look at my 8 year old daughter and the battles that we've encountered ensuring that she realizes her value, her worth, her God given beauty and intelligence - we know that Indiana and the lack of diverse educational options are only part of what we battle. We battle the stereotypes, poor home training, intentional blinders and a society that plays favorites. While we have the opportunity to continually groom our daughter for when she leaves home, we know that she can settle in to unconditional love at the end of each day while she is with us. For the Johnson family, they sent their child to serve her country, and her country has failed her miserably.
Color of Change has done a good job using technology to mobilize people. I have been heartened that almost every time I'm contacted by the group they strike a cord in the level of grassroots action that could be taken to make a difference. There most recent request is simple:
Will you join Mr. and Mrs. Johnson in calling on Congressman Henry Waxman, Chairman of the House Government Oversight Committee, to mount a real investigation into LaVena Johnson's death and the Army's cover-up2? Will you ask your friends and family to do the same? If so, take action today.
What would being female, Black and valued look like in our society?
1. Young women would see images of themselves reflected throughout our society, in vehicles other than men magazine covers, videos and neglected posters about how long they have been missing.
2. Media coverage on the nightly news and primetime news shows would be representative of the demographics of our society, or better yet representative of the issue or topic being covered.
3. Those that say they represent our community would actual do so - covering topics, issues, people and action steps that matter - without regard to their personal image, fame or wealth.
4. There would be a focused effort to mentor, motivate, groom, direct and advance the life choices for young women - and it would start by reaching beyond those who are related to us by blood.
5. The countless stories that are told about our community would speak to everyday people and everyday issues - depriving pop stars who are turning 50 or cat fights between the least of us from any news attention.
And for me, every child within our nation would be introduced to the only correct image of their value and their life, through Christ. As much as I believe in collective action and the power of people, I know that God has already clarified our individual worth. So as I go about typing about what I would like to see, I have to go back to what I truly know. We have to take on a dual responsibility - educating, informing and changing our society is second, to raising our daughters to understand their value before they encounter what this world has to offer. LaVena Johnson deserved/deserves better.
What can we do? Maybe a society that values black females would look like each and every one of us spending a fraction of the time devoted to nonsense, to helping each other reach their fullest potential. The Johnson family won't have that opportunity - but what would you want to happen if it was you? your child? your daughter? We should have the right to live, and die, in dignity. Take action today.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Moving beyond "the Box" - A fight with conforming
So I have fallen in love with this Keyshia Cole song and video, and I just need to admit it. I believe in honesty and transparency and from time to time I can be a little snobby about my taste in stuff. I don't want what everybody has, and I truly don't want to respond to the society hand fed meal of what you should have, buy and like...I fight it all of the time.
I had this experience with perfume lately too. I saw a fragrance by P. Diddy (Unforgivable Woman) and I rolled my eyes. Then, I smelled the perfume and was mad about it - I thought it was just beautiful. Largely because I have 3 children and I think our media obsessed society (with a jones for fame and creating entertainment icons) is bad for the soul. I try to teach the kids to have their own style and taste and to ignore what the media says you have to have. I am recovering from a mutual love of all things formulaic - but lately my guard is down.
A few weeks ago I listened to this song and decided I was having a Mary J moment. I didn't start truly listening to MJB until I was good and grown and now, I'm a big unapologetic fan. Same for Keyshia, who shares a name with my sister, and I can't help thinking about her every time I hear her music or songs. When I first started hearing about her - I shook my head and thought about all of the women in RB/Hip Hop with forgettable careers. I have been saddened, both by their music, image and plastic surgery.
I tell myself I really don't care for the Pop Princess antics of our society, which tell us the type of music and people we should like. But, I'd be lying if I didn't check out the blonde hair on Keyshia and smile...as I just started experimenting with highlights. (I'm dang near 40.) I fight against too much megahit enthusiasm from Disney, High School Musical and Camp Rock to ensure that my daughter has some images before her that are reasonable. As Christians, we find some songs we like and try to ensure our children are surrounded by life affirming lyrics. But... I've also had to introduce KeKe Palmer, The Cheetah Girls and Raven to ensure that Miley doesn't take over the thought processes of an otherwise wonderful little lady. Here's where it gets a bit tricky though...I'm liking a few of the things that are mainstream and the lyrics to Heaven are just one example.
That being said, I hope Keyshia Cole has more songs that grown adult women can sway to without being boxed into a hiphop era which is uninspiring at best. I have always been a little slow and methodical about my music taste - but I admit this one threw me for a loop. All the radio favorites I can skip, I think Keyshia was singing out of the box with this choice. I purchased this single and a few others from Itunes, and I'm just living with that decision as I realize "they" the mediagods, got me. As for Unforgivable Woman, I'm still spraying my testers...but I just might have to move beyond my box, and buy a bit of that too.
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