Sunday, July 6, 2008

Patriotism Interrupted

Eugene Robinson is a columnist at the Washington Post, and I stumbled upon a tremendous article in the July 4th Indianapolis Star that summed up my week. In his article, The Color of Patriotism, he spoke eloquently about the fact that patriotism is never simple as an African-American - but it does indeed exist.

When I think about the numerous veterans in our family, I'm humbled by their courageous service. Many have shared their personal experiences from the Army to the Navy - all contrasting their dedication and their opportunities, with the ongoing racism they countered before, after and during their years of service. Each has said in one way or another, they would live no where but the United States of America. They served a country with pride and commitment, but never fully escaped the challenges created with a country that rarely acknowledges the full extent of the beliefs held by its majority culture. My grandfather and my great uncles did not live long enough to see the first African-American with a realistic chance of becoming president accept the nomination of a major party. Yet, I can't pick up the paper without seeing countless articles that Barack Obama should have further defined, expressed and explained his patriotism. McCain's is just assumed.

My daughter, in camp this week, learned the hard way that patriotism is fraught with mixed emotions. She's been talking about celebrating the 4th of July, since some time in June. Yet, while at camp this week - a Christian Suburban Camp - she was told by her peers that she shouldn't be part of their club, "Because she's Black." I picked her up that day with explanations of reconciliation and efforts to explain the situation by the camp staff. I could barely hear their words as I searched the campers to see her face, to see if she was okay. And like generations of young African-American children before her, she had spent the majority of the day masking her emotions and making everyone feel better about what had happened to her. She was excluded, and made to feel less welcome - because of her skin color. Taunts about attractiveness and not fitting in followed.

It was her first, but I'm certain it won't be her last encounter of these experiences. I thought about my young cousin who had a similar experience at about sixth grade - I honestly wondered what my cousin might have done to provoke the attack. I owe her an apology. I now realize all she did was enter a world unkind and non-accepting of difference. Her experience in the suburbs of Toledo, ours just a few hours away. Our relocation to Indiana has had its share of these experiences (from school, to the parking lot, to neighborhood oddities unlike the experience of anyone else), but none quite as clear and overt as this one. With all of her frailty, we still love being Americans.

Our reality, however, is much different than that of our peers. Just like my uncles, and my grandfather before me, my children have had to learn at a very young age that being proud to be American means to accept the many imperfections of the country we live in. I don't believe you should have to define the oxymoron of the land of freedom and liberty at age 8 - but we are in the business of teaching it everyday. Sometimes it feels as if the color of patriotism should be green - green with envy for those who can simply celebrate without thinking about the daily experiences which reveal America's struggle to live up to its designed potential.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Domestic Sexy


It has been nearly 13 years, and I don't define sexy in the same way anymore. I was talking to someone recently about the decision to be happy and laughing at what time, age and maturity will bring to a relationship. I got mulched on Mother's Day, and I'm sure it would be a much less exciting achievement for a younger woman. Really, when I thought about what I wanted in celebration of being a mom - it wasn't much aside from the comfort of motherhood and our life. The kids had come up with a variety of flowers and such (mainly created from the loving hands of pre-school teachers I could just kiss, really); and my husband mulched me. That's pretty sexy.

I decided to write today, not because of the mulch, but another level of domestic bliss. Rodent kill. Yep, my husband has been dutifully working at decreasing the chipmunk population in my nature preserves in the back yard. I had given him plenty of feedback about how to address this increasingly annoying issue, including the store, the product and the method to eliminate any sign of these nasty creatures. And true to form - he did NOTHING I asked. He investigated his own method, found these cumbersome traps with directions in 10 languages, and decided not to drown the varmints but to take them miles away and free them. I am not kidding. He doesn't recycle, but he wants to spare the chipmunks a pond death (which was my suggestion) and just take them to a new home. By this morning we had seen 6 chipmunks, old and young, small and large, fast and seemingly faster. When I returned home from church (with a scoff at the wasted peanut butter and bird seed), my daughter delighted in telling me that 2 had been captured. (I now owe my husband $2 for his success.) Within a few hours number three were released in a nature preserve about 8 miles away. I could further comment on the ridiculous nature of his method, but what a domestically sexy move. I tell you, it comes in on my top 10 list now somewhere around cutting the lawn after church on Sunday, or turning back my side of the bed when I'm destined to reach there first. Domestic sexy.

I joined an alumni website for Purdue and had enough mixed emotions to cause stomach upset. I was getting ready to decide just how old I felt, when I was refreshed by the fact that some things indeed are just much better with time. I don't have enough wine experience to make a good analogy, but I do have plenty of experience in relationships. I think about those that are for a time, a reason and a season...but more importantly, those that are for a lifetime. I must be a complete pain to live with - yep, I admit it. I'm stubborn, often evil, fiercely protective, and a tad judgmental. Most importantly, though, I am loved for just being me. I give up art shows in this lifetime for mounds of yard work, and get untold joy from all garbage cans being emptied and taken out without my feedback or request. I enjoy Sex and the City as much as foreign affairs, politics and good literature. I am who I am, and I am completely smitten with domestic sexy.

I can't relate to men who don't do diapers, bath time or kidlet duty. I am scared by fathers who use the term baby sit in any reference to their own personal relationship with their children. I share real life stories with young women who ask me about marriage that are neither of the fairy tale brand or idealistic. The one thing that I can do well, however, is capture the essence of marital bliss for this real woman. Dishes are divine. Mopped floors are magical. Laundry completed is luxurious. And being mulched...magnificent. Don't get me wrong, an overdue date, dinner out or a poetry slam is pretty nice; and I'm looking forward to an overdue vacation. Somewhere really nice. Without the children. For today however, I'll just glow in domestic sexy and look at the pond as the chipmunks disappear one by one!

Pure joy.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Why Keep Apologizing?

I wonder why people continue to apologize for their support of a particular candidate. When Hillary indicates that she is going to continue to represent hard working, hard working white people, she says it all. I hope we wake up before its too late - she's not running to represent the people. She's already decided who represents her best chances, and she doesn't apologize for what she believes. When someone Black votes for Barack the automatic assumption is that the person hasn't thought through their decision, weighed their options, critically decided who deserves their support. The assumption is "of course, you are supporting Barack because he's Black." Leads me to wonder, why aren't there more polls asking the obvious question.

So when we look at West Virginia and Kentucky, will we analyze just why they went overwhelmingly in Hillary's favor? I am ready to never hear the words Democratic Primary again, because the reality is that Hillary wouldn't even be still in the race if this had not become a contest about race. The intentional efforts to make this about race and gender instead of the issues has left many of us "sick and tired." Sick and tired of politics as usual.

And since Barack is of mixed heritage...does that mean White people just vote for a part of him? Don't bother to respond, I am truly sick of the racist mindset and the fear tactics. And to my one racist commenter, save your time and your energy. "My people" are no different than "Your People" - I will continue to assume that the benefit of the doubt may be necessary to understand why Barack has:

1. More Delegates
2. More Popular Vote
3. More Superdelegates

and yet, no nomination. What is the color of that logic?