In Living Color - the Alpha Kappa Alpha Barbie

I am a proud member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. I grew up looking to the examples of tremendous women who made a wonderful impact on their community, their church and their family. Of the many, many role models that I had - my Aunt Katherine may have been by far one of the clearest reasons why I understood that the women of AKA were indeed the best of the best. I am heartened that my daughter has had the privilege of growing up with "Great Aunt Katherine" - another generation that gets to admire her tremendous influence.

So, the woman who introduced my daughter to American Girls and the story of Addy, will also squeal (skee-wee, actually) to know that we are waiting anxiously for our very own AKA Barbie. Revealed at our 100th anniversary celebration at the Boule in Washington, D.C. I was just a bit surprised at the hoopla over AKA Barbie's complexion. I'm not sure why I should be surprised, but I was.

When I read blog posts and other feedback about the hue of this beautiful black woman's skin, I shook my head for the umpteenth time. Why do we feel that in order to be African American, we must somehow hit a certain hue on the color spectrum? I read a comment by a self-identified member of Delta Sigma Theta on the NPR Tell Me More site, which indicated that she looked forward to a more brown Barbie when they reach their centennial. Dear God, are we talking about adult women debating in 2008 (especially when it has nothing at all to do with them) the color of a doll designed to honor women who have dedicated 100 years to serving their community. My friends, my sorors, my sista's in general come in every shade and the debate about complexion is non-sense. This is not School Daze and Spike Lee isn't writing a narrative about undergraduate life. Don't like it, don't buy it. Can't see this as a beautiful Black doll, then it isn't for you. No discussion merited in my book, unless you are not happy with your own skin color.

I'm not blindly drinking kool-aid, there are things that I do not like about the image or stereotype of Greek letter organizations, and a myriad of actions and activities I wish were not part of our history. The whole brown bag mess has been laughable for decades in my household, where my mother - a Soror and cocoa brown woman - raised me with the values, expectations and guidance to become who I am today. When I heard my dear sorors chanting about being conceited during a taping of a NPR segment, I was saddened for my entire sisterhood. Beyond stepping and childhood chants when I was still an undergrad - my dear Sorority means so much more. Not only does it mean more to me, it means more to the millions of people who have been served by each of our members so faithfully.

I have read comments that question Christian character, leadership, dignity and blackness...all associated with coverage of 100 years of service. To then read random craziness about the color of Barbie's skin...let all of the caramel, butterscotch, vanilla, cream, and every other assortment of skin color collectively say - "Get a Life." I regret some people have been limited by the first 8 colors in their crayon box, that they have failed to embrace a life much bigger and more meaningful, then wasting time talking about is she "Black Enough." My daughter, with the smooth chocolate tones of her dad, has said only one word, "Beautiful."

Further, I'm so glad that I had the chance to be guided by an Aunt who taught Sunday School every Sunday, brought snacks for the students she tutored after she had taught all day at a different school, took care of hundreds of children each year - even though she never gave birth to one of her own, participated in every reading/mentor/make a kid better program held in our community, guided me through standardized testing when it was not a part of what everyone understood as critical to higher education, encouraged and mentored regarding every fashion woe growing up, recruited men from the far corners of the world to teach her students about health/fitness/finance and education, and all of this to say....Barbie did just fine creating a likeness for her legacy. I guess, we'll be raising daughters for the next 100 years to understand - let no one group, no one word, no one experience, no one affiliation, define you.

And yes, Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. has done just fine in our 100 years of service - we're more than a collection of monotone or monochrome women. I just pray that one day we'll get past the trading of stereotypes and insults, and have a bit of gratitude for those who regardless of their affiliation serve their neighborhoods, community, country, churches, shelters, libraries, schools, young women, etc. no matter what their tone.

Frankly, I'm glad I'm woman enough to recognize excellence wherever I see it. On most days...I wish their were more actions worthy of being noted as excellent, no matter who was responsible or credited for it. Congratulations, Aunt Katherine, AKA, and Mattel/Barbie...for a job well done. God help us all.

Losing the Fight

I remember when Sammy Davis Jr. died - it was one of my first poems not about me. Up until that time, I had written mainly about things I could relate to. Something happened when we lost this entertainer and pioneer - it just may have unearthed the reality that we were losing jewels in our culture, in our society - and I wondered if we really understood what this meant. In many ways I think it was largely about a reality check that the people who were dying were people who had some impact on my life, great or small. No longer, when I read or heard about someone dying, was I able to just shake it off. Fast forward to today, and I realize - the losses are getting greater and deeper in my life.

On the television Julia Carson is being laid to rest. Her political career had not interested me the way life long followers showed their dedication, because in many ways our politics are different. I am a late to Indy political junkie, and in recent months I started following her career most closely. I mourn today for a different reason - for what her life meant - to those born to out of wedlock mommys. Her mother gave birth at 16, after dropping out of school in 2nd grade. Julia being a representative of Congress, is representative of so much more than that. She was a fighter and a bit of a pistol, and she cared by every account for other people.

Her political stands are not mine, but if when I go people are clear about what I stood for - that's a crown jewel if ever I saw one. Julia Carson garners my respect for not being afraid to stand tall. When she was really sick during the last political cycle I remember hearing a reporter challenge her - she quickly took him to school about the number of elected officials who served with health challenges, and for that I took a lesson. Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. She already knew the questions that would come at her - and she was incredibly prepared to respond - with a bit of finger snapping in her voice. Dear Julia - proof that a woman can rise to any occasion - rest in peace.

Then there's Ray Charles, and his legacy. The man owned his masters at a time when people didn't do much beyond give thanks for a contract. You saw the movie Ray, no need to go into details about his life - his family stuff is a bit hard to swallow. But check this out - he clearly outlined his intentions in his will - providing for ALL of his children equally, and leaving no questions about how he wanted his stuff handled. I respect that. Those of us in blended families know well that taking a stand would be a blessing.

This year has also been a time of family loss. My dear great aunt passed and she was one of the most thoughtful people - I still have memories of the care packages she sent to me at Purdue, or the way she remembered each of my children in some way. She will forever be missed. She opened her home to any and everyone, and she guaranteed you a meal whenever you crossed her doorstep. She had a heart wide open - and she didn't let "what I have, don't have, aspire to have" or anything else matter. She created feast after feast, from the abundance of her heart. I'm still trying to have a house warming, 16 months later.

Then my uncle passed this fall, a man of great character and family values. I traveled to visit his family in California shortly after I graduated from Purdue, and our relationships changed drastically. I gathered a greater understanding of him, based on spending time with him. He loved to cook, he wrote often and tremendously beautiful letters, he sent me ritzy magazines I could never splurge on, and he loved me. He was proud of me, and he told me so - often.

This past weekend, we learned of another loss. My dear Mr. Henry, a neighborhood father to the entire community, died on Saturday, December 15th. His wife, a community activist that hired my husband at the height of his decision to pursue development, wa s nice enough to call us and share Mr. Henry's thoughts. I tended to send letters, cards, and hand written notes - but her call will forever linger in my mind. She said, in the midst of her own loss, "Henry wanted you to know that he loved you. He was proud of both of you. He thanked you for allowing him to be a part of your life."


So - it is the holiday season. We will be gathering with family, socializing, doing our thing - but will we remember the many lives that were lost this year? My heart breaks for the homes that will be missing such an integral part of their lives. More importantly though - I have been prompted to think about those near and dear to me. Does everyone know what I think about them? Do my friends, family, neighbors have some understanding of what I value about them? Is love an action verb in my life?

Our lives are short. One day, each of us will lose the fight of hanging on to this life, to enter into the next. What will you be remembered for? What plans have you made for eternity? And...what will prompt others to write an entry into their hearts about the legacy you leave? In my last round, I'd be happy to have the character shown from these loved ones, live on.